Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

First of all, I like your character, Arwen (LOTR reference!) Mallory. This chapter had me wondering whether Arwen's mother might be a witch who just grew tired of living in the muggle world (her line about the aligned stars especially made me think that). I also wondered whether the burning roast was a manifestation of Arwen's undeveloped power.

I did notice some places where I might add punctuation. For instance, in this sentence: "A dog and a cat were not considered ideal friends but they were patient listeners and understanding mates." I would add a comma after "friend." In this sentence: "A monotonous greeting and question how her day was and the day ended with him retreating to the library after dinner." I might separate "how her day" was with commas or parentheses.

I also liked Neville's appearance in this story! I laughed at her description of him as a weirdo. :) That part made me wonder whether her father knew/suspected that his wife and/or daughter were magical.

For the flashback section, I don't think you actually need the text that announces the beginning and end of the flash back. The story makes sense without it (at least, I didn't have any trouble following along). :)

The two sections at the end (five years later and somewhere away far from Hogwarts) are both so brief, and ended so suddenly that I am left wondering what's going on. I'm guessing that's intentional, though. The ending does serve as a big fat invitation to move on to the next chapter. :)

I plan to continue reading and reviewing, although I may be a bit slow. :)

Author's Response: Hehehe my punctuations are a major pain in the arse...=P That's my biggest issue it seems!!! I'll proof read the chapters a few more times before sending them for validation.
I had a few problems with the flashback scenes so it was better I introduced them. I'm glad you got it =P
Nice guesses by the way but I'm not gonna say if any of them are true or false...;)
Thank you so much for reviewing! =)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 182
Submit Report: