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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi darling! I'm so happy to be back for chapter 2!

You've really done an awesome job with Edie. She doesn't only keep my interest, but I connect to her really well. After I got my BA, I realized that it's hard to find something to *do* with a BA. Especially if you aren't going into teaching or psychology. Anyway, I think we've all had a time where we hit the corners of 'what now' and 'this sucks' and you really made that feeling clear in this chapter.

Edie is clearly an intelligent girl, and wants to be doing more with her skills than a gossip magazine. Or at least get to something important within that gossip magazine!

I love the detail you've given every character so far. Something as simple as what Dean was able to do to help influence to job, and the way you described Theo was awesome. It all just goes in my head and creates this much bigger, more complex picture as opposed to a two dimensional world.

I really thought when Rose started talking to Edie it was going to be to offer her the Quidditch article! Then when she started walking away and Rose didn't stop her, ahh!

So, I do have a suggestion. I remember you describing Edie in the first chapter, but because she's an OC and it takes a bit for us to get OC's really clicked in our mind, I think this could benefit from a little more physical description of her. Not that you didn't already do that, but just reenforcing it so when someone does go a bit between chapters they don't forget. Slipping in small things, like when she was crossing her legs she might have flicked back a piece of her __ hair.

My heart really sunk for her when she was called in and it seemed like it would be something serious! I again had thought it was about the Quidditch piece, and maybe Rose already told him she couldn't do it, and suggested Edie or something.. ugh! Poor girl just can't get a break. And now she gets to be the refreshment girl. Poor thing! I hope we get to read about that, it sounds fun!

Your writing is very fluid and easy to read. You do an excellent job in first person, and considering I've just started a first person short story collection.. I've realized how difficult it is! So now I'm even more impressed! But it felt completely natural and I just became absorbed into this chapter.

I look forward to your re-request for the next :)!!

Jami

Author's Response: Yay, yay, yay, wow wow wow! Thanks for such a wonderful and in-depth review! I think you're quite the writer so having your opinion is very nice!

I feel like I really know these people--particularly Dean, Edie and Seamus, and it makes it so fun and easy to write them. I'm glad you like their characterization! And yeah, Rose is fun to write, too. She and Edie have a shared dislike for one another deep down, but there's really no one else to talk to at work, so... :)

And thanks for the suggestion! I have a pretty lengthy physical description of her in the third chapter that might actually work better earlier on in the story. I have the bad habit of assuming that because I have a banner/chapter images, people know exactly what my OC looks like, haha. But I'll look for a place earlier on in the fic to put a physical description. Thanks for that idea!

Thank you again so much for leaving such a thoughtful review!


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