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Review:my_voice_rising says:
Hello, back again with your review! :)

I like that you've chosen to flash ahead to their Fifth Year; usually people choose the Seventh so it's interesting to read about the characters when they're younger. One thing I immediately notice is that you will probably want to find a Beta, just because of punctuation, mostly. The way it is right now, the story's a bit hard to read, but a Beta reader could totally help you with that. :)

Also I'm guessing that it's supposed to be a surprise, exactly what they did for Gwen, but you've gotta give us something! Otherwise we're completely left in the dark. For example, was it something that could fit in a pocket? Or were they showing her a photograph?

From what I can recall, the flashback to her first year is pretty much exactly what happened in The Sorcerer's Stone, scene by scene...maybe you want to take some of it out, or change it up a bit? I do feel bad for Scorpius though, already getting hurt on his first day just for being a Malfoy. Poor kid!

I laughed out loud at James getting ahead of himself and trying to compliment Arwen, but saying her eyes look like Hippogriff poo. I also like your characterization of Harry, Ginny, George and Molly--they are being actual adults and responding to their kids' bad behavior appropriately, rather than just being in the background as I've seen with some NextGen fics. It was very sweet that they baked Arwen a bunch of apology-pies as well :)

I think that you could stand to split this chapter into two, as it's very long. You could also possibly take out a lot of the not-so-important stuff, and flesh out the parts that are more integral to the plot. (Like the scene in the forest, etc.)

All in all though, nice work!

Author's Response: Oh don't I love your reviews ;)
Hmm I guess I really need to work on the punctuation. I don't know about a beta reader now. I'll consider one later maybe.
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes. I'm going to edit it soon. Maybe I won't split it. On my way back home I was contemplating whether I should or should not...=P
I'll keep that in mind for future chapters but I guess the whole story goes a bit out of sync if I do so. I guess I concentrated too much on giving a back story. I'm considering toning it down. Sigh! I've typed out four more chapters but I guess that will get split up.

Thank you so much!!!


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