Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review Tag thread!

I thought this was a really interesting premise. The idea that, at a very young age, Hermione and Draco might have had a thing for one another is unconventional and definitely takes some getting used to. But the dramatic potential is undeniable. It's obviously already put a huge strain on Ron and Hermione's relationship and poor Rose is sort of caught in the middle now. You've set the stage really well.

One thing that seemed odd to me was the letter compared to Rose's thoughts on the dates. The letter says that five years have passed while Rose is backing into her mother's age based on seven years. Either I missed something or one of those figures is incorrect.

I also think you need to take a careful look at this paragraph:

"Hey, hey. That's not your fault. Shh." She placed her arms around me and started to stroke my hair like she used to when I was little and had a nightmare. "It wasn't your fault that you find the letter and anyways I'm glad you did, if you hadn't I would never have found it and I would never have know he was sorry. As for your dad and me arguing, well thats just because your dad has a grudge so he can't see anything clearly. But don't you be getting upset over it."

Hermione's dialog has some issues with verb tenses (find and know) and the first sentence kind of runs on. Also, "thats" should be "that's". Even more off-putting is the way that she sort of blames Ron for the argument. It might well be the truth, but I can't imagine Hermione being that sort of parent. Her argument is with Ron, and I just have a hard time imagining her bringing Rose into it.

Aside from that, I thought this was well written. I liked all of Rose's reactions to the events going on around her. It must all seem very strange and confusing to an eleven-year-old, and you did a good job of capturing that. Hermione's reaction to the letter was perhaps a little too dramatic, but within the range of possibility. And Ron would definitely be very upset by something like this. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he doesn't deal well with change.

Also interesting that Hermione sends Rose off to talk to Harry. I'm curious where you're going with that.

Overall, I think you have a good start here!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing and sorry this is late!
I'll have a look at the figures see where I need to change and I'll look through the paragraph and change the tense, thanks for telling me :)
I'm glad you like it though, and thanks again for reviewing. :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 781
Submit Report: