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Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
Three words to start off this review: Remus was adorable!

Plot- The chapter was relatively short, but you managed to cram quite a few events into a short amount of space. I wasn't particularly fond of this because I felt like you were rushing through the chapter. Maybe try to include a bit more description and dialogue between characters to help slow down the chapter a little. I was also a little left behind when Tammy told Penny to talk to Remus about what she had said. Penny originally told readers that she wouldn't be returning for another conversation with the Marauders, yet did so anyway. It was just a little confusing.

Flow- The events flowed nicely toward the beginning and the end of the chapter, but were a little shaky in the middle. Again, the events seemed rushed and, therefore, created a bit of a jagged flow.

Grammar- There was the occasional spelling mistake, wrong word, or something of the sort but overall it was pretty good! Nothing major that overly detracts from the story line at all.

Characterization- I feel like I'm harping on this concept, so I apologize if I am, but the story's traveling very quickly, eliminating any possibility for characters with a bit more depth. Readers want to get to know the main characters and relate to them. Yes, Penny's emotions were realistic, but the rest of the characters were a little flat in this chapter. I did enjoy your characterization of Tammy when she was angry at Penny, which matched her personality perfectly. However, I was waiting for their exchange to escalate into something more and was a little shocked when Penny simply followed through with Tammy's request. From the prologue, I got the impression that Penny was independent wanted to form her own mind, instead of letting others form it for her.

Description- There was a noticeable lack of description throughout the chapter. The only real details provided were during the scene when Penny introduced herself to the Marauders. The description was very vivid there, but never really returned during the rest of the chapter.

Dialogue- I loved the dialogue; it was my favorite portion of this entire chapter. I loved how you portrayed Remus through his dialogue. My heart skipped a beat when he introduced himself to Penny. They would make such a cute couple!

Overall, I liked this chapter, but not quite as much as the prologue. Perhaps I'll enjoy the future chapters a bit more.

6/10

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