|Review:||Voldy Needs a Hug says:|
Sorry it took me so long to get around to reading and reviewing this. Anyway, I thought the prologue was a decent start.
Plot- Obviously, it's a bit too soon to tell where this story is headed (of course I have a few inklings, which are, most likely, completely wrong), but you included just enough plot to convince readers, like myself, to keep reading. Many prologues are either ridiculously short with very little plot or extremely long with several chapters worth of plot. I really like the happy medium you established between the two extremes, while still managing to keep readers engaged until the end of the chapter.
Flow- The events flowed very nicely for the majority of the chapter. You fluidly traveled from one thought to the next in the introductory section of this chapter, which is hard to accomplish. However, I noticed the flow was a little choppy when Tammy decided to run up to the dorm to retrieve parchment and a quill. These paragraphs seemed a little rushed, almost as if you were in a hurry to finish writing the chapter and click the 'upload' button.
Grammer- I was really impressed with the grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I didn't find any mistakes (although I could have overlooked one), so I commend you for that.
Characterization- In the prologue, you've introduced readers to Tammy Wilkins, Penny Huckleberry, and, briefly, the marauders. I can't really say much with regards to your characterization of the marauders because they have yet to make an appearance, but, so far, their descriptions seem accurate. Moving on to Tammy, she seems to have some interesting personality quirks that were indirectly stated. She seems like the energetic, optimistic friend which appears to be a sharp contrast to your portrayal of Penny. The duo have a strange friendship, but I feel that it will make the story much more interesting. I had one comment with regards to Penny: she is seriously lacking self-confidence and has quite a negative approach to many topics. Excellent job with your characterization!
Description- One of my major pet peeves in the first chapters of fanfictions is too much description, where you're stuck reading paragraph after paragraph of minute adjectives that you won't retain five minutes later. Your prologue was the polar opposite. You didn't outright state everything about everyone. Instead, you provided very brief descriptions with just enough information for readers to understand the events that were transpiring. Generally, I try to tell authors to include more dialogue than descriptions, but you clearly have that under control.
Dialogue- The dialogue was a little confusing at the very beginning of the chapter (mainly the first and third paragraphs), but they quickly began to make sense as I continued reading. The dialogue seemed to match each character's personality perfectly, so nice job.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this. It was a nice change from all the cliche Marauders' Era fanfictions that I have found myself sifting through. You're definitely taking an original approach to this story, and I encourage you to continue doing so.