Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:javct says:
javct45 back again with another review.

Yay for a Severus chapter! I love reading about Severus and seeing him develop from a timid boy into Professor Snape.

This chapter was written really well, although I didn't like the ending. I don't know why, maybe it was because 1) Severus yelled at his mother (I've always been taught to never do that and it just strikes me as being very OOC for Severus - I don't think he ever really yelled in the books and 2) a part of the dialogue is in cap locks.

Might I make a suggestion? Instead of using cap locks to show Severus' emotions, try using adverbs after the dialogue has finished. I've always found them to be more effective and they always just look better as well. Cap locks, in my opinion at least, are kind of pointless when we have a whole language out there (most of which, isn't used anymore)!

I liked the way you wrote Rodolphus though. He's a character that I think a lot of writers forget about.

Feel free to re-request!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Sorry this has taken so long to respond to; I took a break from ff for a while, so please excuse me! I will look at changing the caps locks, but I will argue the fact that Snape shouts at his mother. I agree that even though he doesn't think much of his mother's pride, he wouldn't normally shout at her, but this is a really serious situation. Eileen has just inadvertently given the Death Eaters a ticket to hurt Lily, and Snape loves her and is terrified they're going to hurt her. So I think that he would have shouted.

Thanks once again for the review and your suggestions :)

Sarah x


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 894
Submit Report: