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Review:SereneChaos says:
Ooh, this was interesting, especially because I RP a generally disliked character who was also very smart and is now a healer. :P I like the overall tone of the story--it feels very different from Keep Calm--and think your descriptions are well done ("blackened caverns of lungs" was my favorite.)

I think my criticism is mostly for Helene. I feel almost as if there is too much background info and not enough story bits. For example, you mention that Helene is cruel, but we don't actually see any examples of it. Flitwick asks Helene why she wants to be a healer, and we're not actually given a reason (which I can understand if you're keeping it secret for a later point). Another issue is why she is like that. I don't think you have to reveal everything in this first chapter, but by showing us examples of Helene's traits, it serves a dual purpose of grounding those traits (ie, we can see to what extent she is cruel) and it is easier to digest as opposed to just being given information.

As another note, I think the transition from Helene standing on the tower (There were only minutes before Helene needed to be in the hospital wing for her apprenticeship.) to the flashback of how she got to Dumbledore's office (Any other student would have been nervous as they climbed the spiraling stairs to his office.) was just a little confusing because the paragraph in between those two lines (at least for me) wasn't enough. I actually assumed that Helene was making her way to DD's office after being on the tower smoking, and it may be because of your ending/opening lines on those two paragraphs.

Otherwise though, your writing is really fluid and its easy to start reading your work and not even realize you're at the end! I'm also impressed with how flexible you are at writing two stories with drastically different tones of voice. Good work!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for popping by to read another of my stories :)

I'll admit that this chapter was written in one sitting, with a giant pot of coffee, and I wanted to go ahead and upload it before I lost steam. So I will certainly take your advice to heart when I go back to edit; also she is standing on the ground, behind one of the west towers. Originally I had her standing in the Owlery but liked the idea of her being grounded in a corner. So obviously I need to clarify that bit too! ;)

This story is going to be tricky, because I want to explain why she's the way she is bu that's a big part of the plot that I want to keep secret. It will be easier to show that it's partially because of her mother, but I think it's going to be tricky. We'll see!

And yes, this is the tone in which I normally prefer to write. KC&CO is so much fun to write and I love writing with my OC and her friends, but I just needed a fix! :)


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