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Review:hannnahgracr says:
I overall enjoyed it but for a first chapter it was quite filled with background which is intriguing however I know some people don't particularly enjoy it. I say this from when I once received a review saying the same thing that I shouldn't have included so much background in the first chapter. Maybe a bit more action and perhaps dialogue would capture the interest of readers. However I know it's your first chapter so I understand the reason for it.

I find the character of Helene very interesting and I think you are doing a very good job so far. I look forward to seeing how she interacts with other characters and how you develop her showing her flaws and weaknesses.

It makes slightly hard reading to have so many larger paragraphs, I know you're just setting up the story but just for future writing.

This may sound strange but try not to overuse the word 'as'. I find myself doing it a lot in my own writing so it's just something to watch out for.

At the moment I don't have any suggestions for titles as I feel I haven't read enough of the story and I don't know where it is going to give an appropriate title. Some advice - perhaps put in a request for a banner at TDA because it may attract more readers to your story.

I hope this review is helpful, just ask me on the forums if you want me to review any more chapters. :-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I know, I really struggled with trying to keep this chapter interesting without having much more than reflections going on... it's going to be a challenge, I think, since she doesn't have any friends. But I'm up for it :)

I'll also look in to breaking up the paragraphs, and using too much of the word "as." Thanks for the suggestions!

And I really really want to request a banner--I even have all my images and such picked out, but I didn't want to do it before I knew for sure what the title was going to be.

Thanks so much!


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