Hi there! I'm here for the TGS Review Exchange!
So I think this is a really neat concept for a story! I find that a lot of Remus/OCs start with the girl getting to know Remus, falling in love with him, and feeling shocked when his secret is finally revealed. But this one kind of went the other way, in terms of Esther starting out with the wolf and then having to reconcile it with her love for Remus. Your twist seems very creative and well-executed.
I thought Esther was a really great OC. I liked the small touch of her spirituality, because I think it emphasized her innocence and role as the victim. I also liked that she felt so tortured by the wolf, leaving her vulnerable to Remus's entry into her life. I think I would sort of characterize her as powerless, at least up until the story's end.
Remus, I have to admit, I didn't like quite as much. We don't know that much about him, honestly, and I think a lot of what stuck out to me as ill-fitting comes from my own bias (having written him). The main thing I took issue with was how forward he seemed, in terms of progressing along with Esther, stealing things from Snape, and using odd little pet names like "my beautiful schizophrenic." Based on the way he interacted with Tonks in canon, it seemed to me like he would be reluctant to let anyone in, and his smoothness reminded me more of Sirius or James, as they're popularly portrayed. You could have been trying to do something different from the norm, which I definitely don't discourage. It just wasn't quite my cup of tea.
The ending to this piece was a little confusing for me, too, though perhaps you meant it to be that way. I didn't feel that it was rushed, really, just... ambiguous. Is she turning into a werewolf? Is she actually dying? Is she simply turning over to sleep? I think I also would have liked to see more in terms of her feelings for Remus; this probably ties into my critique about the quick pace of their romance. Does she have mixed feelings besides being numb?
Finally, I noted some technical errors, probably more as a result of rushed writing than lack of skill for spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Mostly, in the middle of the story, I picked out a lot of places where words were missed, grammar was incorrect, or dialogue tags were used improperly. I think you'll be able to correct everything with another pass-through, which will help out the flow a little.
I really liked the repetition of the prose throughout this piece. It made me feel like I was inside Esther's head, with all its commotion, and created a very tangible atmosphere of danger. I also thought it was a good way to follow Esther's changing emotions as she dealt with the attack and her confusing feelings for Remus.
Overall, nicely done! I'm glad we got paired up!
Author's Response: Hello!!
I'm glad you liked Esther. She was fun to write (even though she was slightly crazy :D). I think that everyone has some form of spirituality (to whatever religion they choose) when the time calls for it.
That's a good point - I didn't really think about Remus and Tonks' relationship while I was writing this - if I ever edit this I may make some changes to his character. Thanks for the pointer!
Yeah, it was confusing, I've had a few people say that. Basically, she killed herself at the end.
Thank you for pointing them out - I may try and get a beta for this story to help me pick them out.
Your review is coming shortly!