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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba back again!

Okay, so you asked in your review request whether I could tell Fred and George apart. So far the answer is "yes."

Fred is obviously a lot more talky and jokey than George was in the last chapter. That makes perfect sense -- Fred didn't have to watch his brother die, he merely experienced death first hand. ;) He's no longer caught in battle, and is able to contemplate death and remember how they used to "blow over death like a breeze." I love that phrase, by the way!

The use of parentheses in the beginning section is interesting to me -- I get the sense that Fred's (soul?) is in shock, and it takes him a while to collect himself in the moments after he's died. Once he does though, he's on a roll. :)

Your use of extra spaces as Fred recounts his moment of death is also interesting. I don't always like this kind of formatting (it can seem too gimmicky) but I think it works well here to depict "the slow detaching of consciousness from flesh, thoughts and memories." It's as if he wound down at his death, and then wound back up again afterward.

I thoroughly enjoyed both chapters, and would definitely like to read more! I'd like to find out more about what the afterlife is like for Fred. Does he watch over George, or are they are truly separated?

Author's Response: Hello again Elphaba!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read both chapters and even leave two separate reviews! It's lovely of you!

I'm glad you could differentiate between both POVs; it's quite a relief to hear that! I found it quite hard writing Fred's POV because he is such a quick-witted funny and outgoing fellow...completely the opposite of what I am in real life. So I had to really imagine myself in character - the things I'd do and say - just to make the characterisation and the writing convincing.

As for the formatting, yes - sometimes it can get quite gimmicky and contrived. One of the reasons for writing in such a way is that I'm dealing with the subjects of death and disembodiment, which are quite drastic and shocking (or life-changing) situations. So I thought I could afford to be a little experimental with my prose =) Of course I'll try to have some restraint and not let it go out of hand and become too abstract.

And yes, the twins are separated completely. For now, at least. Don't want to make it too easy for them :)

Thank you once again for your two fabulous reviews!

-teh


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