Jami! Good gracious alive, woman, I just don't know about you sometimes! One minute I'm thinking "Yeah, the style of Before They Fall is totally where's she meant to be" and then you pull something like this. I really like that you're climbing out of your safe little box and exploring. But honestly, this is so you, honey. This angsty, dramatic, beautiful mess (as in angsty, not that it doesn't flow! :P) is so suited to your writing style.
I'd first like to say that your manipulation of second person is to die for. I'm picky. Very freaking picky when it comes to second person. It has to be written just so for me to really become engaged. You literally had me after the first paragraph. I was set - I was so amped and nervous for what was going to happen. One thing I particularly enjoy about second person is its ability, in the hands of the right author, to attach itself to the reader. The reader and the story become so inexplicably intertwined. I couldn't help but be totally and completely invested in EVERY SINGLE WORD. There was /something/ that I can't put my finger on about this story. Perhaps it's the second person and your style combined that honestly had me in tears. I was this ridiculous, weepy mess. I believe that, as readers, we project some (or most or even all) of ourselves into the story - that's why we're all so in love with the Harry Potter series. I have to admit that I projected myself into the story. I felt that it was me. I know so intimately those emotions. Good gracious and holy Harry Potter, Jami.
Your second paragraph was absolutely phenomenal. Goodness, isn't it the truth? Like, when you've got someone that you love, you honestly look past those things that everyone else notices. It connected with me on this deep, personal level. The things that are abnormal and strange are what pull you toward someone. I couldn't help but thinking about a certain person. Look what you do to me! Only a fabulous writer can do that to me, I promise you that!
And holy fangirl squee, your use of "Come here, sugar" was the best thing I've ever read in my life. (You didn't have to credit me, by the way, but thank you!). That piece of dialogue put the icing on the cake in that particular scene - it characterized Greyback so well! Ah, I can't even.
So. Many. Emotions.
"And now, for the first time all night, you let yourself feel." - So simple, yet so profound. It just encompasses the love, passion, fear, angst, and strength of Fleur in twelve wonderfully crafted words. You craft your sentences so beautifully and with such a seeming ease. It seems to come naturally. There is no need for large, arrogant words - you say it all in this quiet, yet blunt way.
Jami, honestly you've broken my heart and healed me at the same time. It offers so much hope both in the story itself and in real life. That's skill, darling. Skill. I'm an emotional person, but I've been reading books for so long, I can sort of detach myself - so to reach through my English major/reader extraordinaire barrier, goodness, that takes talent. And talent you have.
I'm sorry this is all fangirlish and about me and how I love this. I was going to try to be objective and look at the story for the aspects of its style, characterizations, plot, descriptions - but no, I just couldn't - you hit me on an emotional level.
I /love/ this.
Author's Response: Eek! You're going to make me all mushy/gooey/feelsy!
I was so surprised at how much fun I had writing this. I tried it in both third and first person, and neither of them did it for me. Then I started trying to do something a bit more poetic, and BAM! Fleur really just behaved better when it was like I was a spectator, telling her as she goes. The whole time in my head I had a ghost like image of her, egging the other one on, telling the other one what was happening. I know, that sounds crazy. But it made sense at the time, haha.
Okay so this is going to sound super weird, BUT! in Come, Sugar.. the man that did that to Rose. He was also Greybackish in my mind. The way he talked, the way he stalked her.. and the same monster from your amazing story just kind of rubbed off on me and the entire time I was writing Greyback, it was just the same terrible one. So when I typed Come here, sugar, I was like OH!THIS IS WHY GREYBACK IS SO EASY! Shelby already wrote him in a different creepy monster form! Haha. Did any of that make sense? NO?? Well, it is 8:30 in the morning...
I am so happy you liked this, Shelby ♥ you were the first person I thought about after finishing it, and how bad I wanted to know your opinion on it. It was a lot of fun to step out of my comfort zone a little, and do something new.
Your review has just made me want to sit here with little hearts and birds singing around my head all day. I can't even tell you how awesome your support is to have ♥