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Review:my_voice_rising says:
First of all, gorgeous banner. Also I'm very interested to read this story because of the narration style. So here we go!

Nice opening; it draws the reader in. However I feel that the flow between these sentences is awkward: "You love them. But it could have been more." I think you should be more descriptive than the word "it," or put a sentence in-between to lead into it. Your language is so beautiful here and I would hate to think of something detracting from it! :)

Speaking of beautiful language, I love "another thread in the tapestry of war" and "aim straight and curse quickly." Since you asked about descriptive language getting in the way of things, I think I would remove the "shattered" from "creeping behind every shattered wall." It does get in the way of your flow a bit, and it's a strange word to use when thinking of (at least literal) walls, which are thick and sturdy and don't shatter so much as crumble, etc.

I think you're doing a really good job with her characterization. We get a really good feel for her desperation and love for her family, but that Fleur-esque arrogance is still there. "You're smarter than him. Better." I do wonder about using her accent when she's talking, because I think that was something JKR did to poke fun at her or for a bit of whimsy. Maybe if you didn't spell out her dialect and instead just stated something about her French accent.

I really like how her family turned out to be the Weasleys--I was expecting to see the Delacours. Really nice twist; although the part about seeing the the sheet of long hair was misleading (unless you intended it to be?) because I thought it was her sister's. Is it actually Ginny's, then?

I had to stop reviewing as I went because the last few paragraphs were so thrilling, hehe. Really nice. Fleur is much tougher than many people assume, and this is a great tribute to that.

Really nice work, as always! :)

Author's Response: Hi darling! Thank you so much for stopping by!

For some reason I never actaully meant to try and make you think Delacours, haha. I think mainly because I assume they weren't invovled in this war at all, but just over in France. I don't even think Fleur would have told them how dangerous it really was. There's too much of a risk of Gabrielle wanting to be closer to her sister, and that wouldn't be safe for anything. But still, I always love tricking, so it's fun that you were imagine the Delacours at first ;).

Yes, the hair was Ginny's :). I'll try and make that more clear, thanks for pointing out that it was a bit misleading :)!

Thanks again for stopping by, and I'm so happy you enjoyed it!


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