Alrighty lets get down to business on this review...
Peter was perfectly added into this chapter. I really enjoyed the humor and reality that he expressed in the beginning. You really did a wonderful job making sure we saw Peter for who he is. He has this great balance of sneakiness which adds to who he becomes later on when he's older, that feeling of weakness surrounding himself around those who he finds will protect him, and cleverness to a fault. He lacks in magical abilities, but he makes up for it with his determination to wanting to fit in with the coolest kids in school. I hope all this makes sense.
I really liked seeing Remus's internal conflict between fitting in and knowing that this couldn't be the best way to go about things. He as a character has a lot that he wants to prove to the world and is torn because the one thing he wants more than anything in the world is friends. I could see aspects of his character building throughout the chapter as to who he will be when he is an adult. It worke well within this chapter. It really gives us insight as to who he is when he becomes a prefect later on. He is already grasping the way his friends respond to people who hold a title and think they are better than others. This shows us why he didn't do anything when Sirius and James went after Severus when he called Lily a Mudblood.
Him telling them off was something I could see him doing. Of the four Remus is definitetly the more level headed one. He was really able to test the waters when he told them off and realized that James was right they are all the same. It doesn't matter people are people and should treat each other the way that they want to be treated. It was a great lesson for Remus to learn, but it also lead him to more uncomfortable questions that he doesn't want to verbalize yet.
James and Sirius were perfect! They were so much fun to read about and even the little reactions that they had in response to things were so spot on! I really liked how you included how James wanted Peter to be able to learn the spell and yet you have Sirius getting bored. Sirius would definitely be the one to become bored with things easily. I also liked how he was quick to jump up and take part in a prank on James. You did a fantastic job capturing their characters!
I really enjoyed Robert's reaction. You knew it was coming. You knew that he was going to pop because of these four first years. He was so pompous and you just have to love to hate him for his Hermione like way he follows the rules only with a twist of obsessive superiorness. I also really enjoyed reading about Frank. He is kind of like that older brother watch out for you kind of guy. I can see why he's Neville's father. I really can.
As a mom myself I have to say that I really enjoyed Mrs. Lupin's letter to her son. It was very motherly and really showed how much a parents life changes when their child goes to school. Her concern for her son and her pride is something that I really enjoy seeing from her and I think it helps remind Remus of where he's come from and what he's delt with.
I loved the joke at the end with Peeves. He had it coming and I loved seeing how he responded towards them. It was almost like he was trying to express an 'It's on' attitude. You just know that this relationship has taken off to new heights of extream pranking between them. Mr. Filch's characterization is perfect. I really enjoyed seeing this insanely unhappy man become giddy at the thought of punishment for misbehaving kids. You'd think that by now he would just give up.
I did find a few sentences that were a bit confusing and thought I would point them out as always! :)
And what made feel even more guilty was that he had actually enjoyed destroying the common room, had enjoyed creating chaos with his three new friends.
Again, this one felt like it was missing the word he. common room, he had enjoyed... This one doesn't need to be changed, but I figured I would point it out.
He wasnít as good as James and Sirius, but he wasnít as bad a poor Peter.
This is just a missing word. In place of a it should be as.
Once, gave the whole class detention, but no one heard him.
This one was confusing because it jumps from Once to gave. I would suggest adding a he between the two of them. Once, he gave...
There is another one that I haven't been able to refind when I went back looking for it. I would suggest rereading the first portion of the chapter. I know it is the word is and it should be an it when Peter and Remus are plotting.
I also like how you use words that are traditional words for you. I had to look up what a rasher is and I just want to say thank you because now I've learned a new word!
Anyways, keep up the awesome writing! I look forward to reading the next chapter and I hope you find this helpful! Oh and Congrats on TA status!!! ;)
Author's Response: Hi there yourself! Firstly, I want to thank you for such a brilliant review. I also want to apologise for taking so long to reply. I wanted to make sure I had enough time to devote to as good a reply as I can make!
I am quite relieved you liked Peter here. You hit the nail on the head in everything you said. He may not be the best at magic, but he has a determined will for self-preservation and he he definitely a sneaky character, but all that said, there is some good in him too, you know?
I am glad you liked Remus's internal conflict here. He wants to have friends and will do anything to keep the ones he has, but sometimes that works in conflict with his moral compass, causing him to partake in this he knows are wrong in certain ways or finding himself supporting something that really isn't the right thing to be doing. Yes, I am foreshadowing his older self, who is a prefect and sits there and lets James and Sirius torture Snape on that day by the lake.
I am also glad you somewhat agree with James and Sirius's justification for going after authority figures. The core idea of treating others the way you yourself want to be treated, no matter who you are or what supposed power you have. I loved the way you phrased that it was a good lesson for Remus to learn, and it generates uncomfortable questions he is not ready to verbalise yet. That was a really great way of summing it all up!
I am also very glad you liked James and Sirius. I have been working very hard to get their characters right, you know? But I am also having an awful lot of fun writing them too and I am glad that came across too.
I am also glad you like Robert and Frank. Robert is a lot of fun to do really, I based him on a friend of mine really, he's a good person, he just has an ego the size of O'Connell Street if you know what I mean. And Frank, what can I say? I love writing him too, and wanted him to be someone the boys could look up to, which is someone Harry and Ron didn't really have in school. Plus, Frank will be quite important later on in the first Order of the Phoenix, and I wanted to establish him as a character long before he features there.
I am also relieved that you liked Mrs Lupin's letter, I wasn't sure on it, again no experience in this area at all, but to hear from a mum that it is realistic is just great, thank you so much for that.
I am happy you liked the joke with Peeves and yes that will grow to full blown war between the two sides as times, so I just wanted to lay the foundations here, you know?
I am very sorry about the typos. Thank you for pointing them out to me, and I have fixed them all now and I spotted the one you couldn't find when you looked the second time and I have fixed that too.
Hahaha, that's funny about rasher. I didn't even think when I wrote that, because we never call it bacon here at all, that just sounds so foreign to us, so we call it rashers, and that's what it has always been to me, but it never occured to me before you know? Actually, now I think on it, I don't actually know if that is what they call it in England, I had better check that out. That could just be a hiberno-English phrase and if that is the case it needs to be changed!
Anyway, thank you so much for taking my request and reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it, and you have been so helpful, thank you so much! I haven't forgotten about "In the Name of Brotherly Love" and I am really looking forward to chapter 4 now, and I can't wait to read it and I probably will either tonight or tomorrow! So keep an eye out for my review, I just hope I can be as helpful as you are!
Thanking you so much,