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Review:teh tarik says:
Hello! Thought I'd stop by and your profile and read some of your writing!

I love the style! I love the boldness of it, the stream of consciousness, the experimentation and everything. I'm the sort of reader who loves things like parentheses, italics and all sort of other complexities in story form and structure so yay! I love all the contrasts in your story...from the short clipped sentences and one line paragraphs to that lovely fat slab of text and that long unbroken sentence. Love. Love.

The two POVs are very well written and clearly delineated and contrasted. And I heart the inclusion of Molly in it...it's quite a heartwarming picture - the two of them drinking tea (though all the warmth of this scene is contrasted with and quickly erased by the depressingly cold tea session with Lupin).

As for the last sentence that you were so worried about...have you thought of removing it completely? Because it did throw me off a little as well, and it doesn't really feel necessary. The paragraph before that sentence is sufficient...I think the story would be lovely and the impact much more hard hitting if the final sentence were left at, "She is the most beautiful woman in the world because she can provide this for him." Or some rephrasing of this.

If you think your current final sentence provides some sort of context to the character situations you could always embed it in an earlier part of the story. Maybe at the beginning of Remus's POV or something.

And of course, I must say this is a fantastic idea (Tonks changing into Sirius...is that right?) Wow. This is twisted =) And you've done a great job writing it.

Great work! Keep it up!

Author's Response: Yay, thank you!

It was the most brilliant thing to write, just tons of run on sentences and repetition in an attempt to create real feeling. It doesn't work for everyone, but I'm really glad you like it so much, especially given your own talents as a writer.

I was trying to contrast a lot of the situations the characters were in, like night/day, hot tea/cold tea, that kind of thing, so thank you so much for mentioning it because I was wondering whether I'd done it well enough.

I hadn't thought of that, actually. I just wanted a killer one-line paragraph to link back to the epigraph, but I think that you're probably right, and I will go back and do that at some point.

Thank you so very much for your fantastic review! :D

(Btw, IIRC=If I Remember Correctly, or something along those lines.)


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