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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

First of all, since you asked: No, I didn't find your story to be either too confusing or two obvious. I suspected that Drasina would turn out to be Hermione because I knew going in this is a Dramione, not because of too-obvious writing. :) If I hadn't known, then I think I would have begun to make the connection by the time I got to the end of the chapter.

Your story piques my interest because of questions like: How did Hermione lose her memory? Will she ever get it back? And why doesn't anyone recognize her? I like that these questions are not answered right away, and look forward to them unfolding gradually throughout the story!

Overall, I like your writing style a lot, but I did notice a few grammatical errors here and there. For instance, there are several places where I would add a comma to separate phrases:

"She took another peek at the clock hoping by chance it was much later with no such luck." I would place a comma between "clock" and "hoping."

There are also a few places where I would add a period and break the sentence into two:

"Everything was so quiet here, she mused, the only other shop that showed life was the baker at the end of the street, and Elise always seemed to be baking her shop boasted the best bread in town." I might break the sentence after "street."

A good trick is to read your writing out loud and then add a period (or comma, depending on how much of a break you want) every time you pause naturally for breath.

A couple of the things I really like in this chapter include the joke about the coffee pot brewing the elixir of life (I thought for a moment it was a potion, and then laughed when I realized it was only making coffee) and the other details about her use of magic, like the extending charms that made her kitchen bigger. :) I like these kinds of details in general, and with Hermione they would be a key part of her life because she IS so good with spells.

The only OOC detail I noticed is her love of flying, because she was never fond of it in the books. Perhaps she developed a taste for flying since she lost her memory, though, so I think it is fine -- many things could have changed in the years after the war. How she learned to love flying would make an interesting story for her to tell at some point. :)

You asked how the story flows, and for the most part I think it flows very well. The only issue I have is with the italicized section. I realize you wanted to set Narcissa's thoughts apart, but maybe you could include this information as a conversation that Sin has with someone else -- maybe she could talk to one of the house elves, and learn some of these details. Some details could also be revealed piece by piece, rather than all at once. I think that leaving a little bit of mystery in the story keeps readers guessing and helps them to engage with it.

Also, I would have liked it if she had actually met Draco at the end of this chapter. :) It would be really interesting to see/hear how their introduction played out.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter. I moved on right away to the second...

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm so happy you liked it. The OOC was intentional, in later chapters I will explain. I hope you like what's to come :3

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