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Review:LoopyLemon says:
My first requested review!!

To be completely honest, I liked this piece. It was real and your character was real. I liked her description of the cafe and how she felt she was backstage at a theatre, how she is losing her drama in other people's.

However you lost me at the end. If this was a longer piece, that would be ok, but you finished this one-shot with the reader having no idea where your character fits. Is the main character Rita Skeeter's sister-in-law or Fleur's? If she is Fleur's then where does she fit? It is still really nicely written and I still enjoyed reading it. I strangely like the main character, sympathise with her.

This is a very short piece. This is definitely not a bad thing, it means you have plenty of room to extend it more. Make the internal monologue longer. Show us more of the character before Rita comes in. Maybe reflect on Rita and expand on Rita's connection with the main character. Expand on why Ginny and Fleur were at her wedding. How does she know them. Expand more on her husband. Why does she live in cafes.

To be very specific, work on the last 5 paragraphs. Expand them. Think about them as if you were a first time reader. What do they convey? What is happening in them? What is your main character thinking? Everything up to there works beautifully.

Your writing is exquisite and I really liked the style of this piece. I feel like you know the character intimately and this is a really good thing. You got in her head and I love pieces which expand on a moment in someone's life. This is well done, and I enjoyed reading it.

To answer your author's note, I don't think I would hate her. But that doesn't really reflect on your writing because I have this annoying habit of looking for people's redeeming characteristics. I would love to learn more about this woman and her view on the world.

As for whether this piece is boring or pointless. No. Good writing is always enjoyable, even if you are describing nothing more than the wind waving in the breeze. The thing with reading and writing, is that it gives you a chance to view the world through someone else's eyes and the value of that should never be underestimated.

All in all, good job. I hope my review has been constructive :) Please let me know what you think.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked that - I had this idea of Audrey as an actor, but like an actor in the wrong place... if that makes any sense at all.

I'm sorry, I should have made that clearer - she's Audrey Weasley, so Percy's wife. I mentioned her by her first name in the summary, so I just sort of assumed that you guys would know who I'm on about. I'll edit this at some point to include that in my author's note. Sorry about the confusion.

See, I write really short pieces, and I'm scared that I might mess this up if I wrote an extended version - Audrey is a pretty dull character and I'd pretty much gone through what I thought was worth writing about her before Rita turned up.
And I honestly have no idea why she lives in cafes - the implication is that she's escaping the beauty she doesn't like, I think she even says so at one point... wait...
"Perhaps this is why I am here in these cheap Muggle cafes. I am safe here from glamour charms and Veela and expensive make-up. I can sit here and reflect, with my notebook filled with invented confessions and dreary poetry."
So maybe there is a reason after all, though obviously you don't have to believe her if you don't want to. :P

I don't know what they convey - I'm not that objective.
What's supposed to be happening is that Rita Skeeter's turned up and Audrey is generally not too fond of her, hence her description of what kind of artist Rita is. I think. I don't know. I get a kick out of ambiguity.

This was really fun to write - I feel like I'm doing Legilimency! - and I'm glad you enjoyed it even though there's basically no plot.

I was sort of trying to make her a bit like Satan in Paradise Lost - you either hate Satan, think he's just being an idiot, or you agree with him - but I'm glad you disagree with the question. People's opinions are fun, and maybe I will write more Audrey in the future.

Anyway. Thank you so much for your review! You've given me a lot to think about. :)


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