Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:caoty says:
So I've never read an Ariana/Gellert before, so I might be quite useless at this whole reviewing thing. You have been warned.

I like how you've portrayed Ariana as, yes, slightly mad, but not broken. In the few Ariana-featuring fics I have read, there's always been some element of brokenness to her characterisation, which I personally find unrealistic and a little bit offensive. And it also makes it seem believable that, yeah, Gellert would fall in love with this wonderfully happy, strange girl.

Though speaking of his recollection of her:
>Gellert let out a loud scream as he remembered that night.
To me, that felt a little bit... incongruous? Like, the tone is quite quiet and introspective and then "AH!", you know what I mean? Maybe that's just me, though.

Apart from that, your way of leading up to Gellert's death is lovely and sad, and I really like it.

Your characterisation of Bathilda was pretty much exactly what you can infer from canon, so I can't fault you for that, and teenage Gellert was perfectly in character as someone who's easily angered, always polite and completely alienated. Or at least, that's how I read it.

I've got a couple of technical critiques for you: you've still got a few typos and some huge paragraphs, and it'd maybe be worth proofreading again or asking your beta to go over it again, just to make it a tad easier to read.

Anyway, good luck with writing this, and I'll see you around. :)

Author's Response: I'm sure you won't be useless. Your reviews are always amazing and helpful!

I don't believe Ariana was ever broken. She was just different in my opinion. I believe that if she hadn't of gone mad she would have been quirky and kind of like 'Ruby Sparks' (have you seen that movie?)

Yeah thanks for pointing out the typos. I actually got another beta (because my other one was MIA) and she is going over it now so hopefully there is no more typos.

Thank you for such an amazing and helpful review!
Jasmine, x


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

 
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

 
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


 
 
 

fanfictionworld.net