Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:caoty says:
So I've never read an Ariana/Gellert before, so I might be quite useless at this whole reviewing thing. You have been warned.

I like how you've portrayed Ariana as, yes, slightly mad, but not broken. In the few Ariana-featuring fics I have read, there's always been some element of brokenness to her characterisation, which I personally find unrealistic and a little bit offensive. And it also makes it seem believable that, yeah, Gellert would fall in love with this wonderfully happy, strange girl.

Though speaking of his recollection of her:
>Gellert let out a loud scream as he remembered that night.
To me, that felt a little bit... incongruous? Like, the tone is quite quiet and introspective and then "AH!", you know what I mean? Maybe that's just me, though.

Apart from that, your way of leading up to Gellert's death is lovely and sad, and I really like it.

Your characterisation of Bathilda was pretty much exactly what you can infer from canon, so I can't fault you for that, and teenage Gellert was perfectly in character as someone who's easily angered, always polite and completely alienated. Or at least, that's how I read it.

I've got a couple of technical critiques for you: you've still got a few typos and some huge paragraphs, and it'd maybe be worth proofreading again or asking your beta to go over it again, just to make it a tad easier to read.

Anyway, good luck with writing this, and I'll see you around. :)

Author's Response: I'm sure you won't be useless. Your reviews are always amazing and helpful!

I don't believe Ariana was ever broken. She was just different in my opinion. I believe that if she hadn't of gone mad she would have been quirky and kind of like 'Ruby Sparks' (have you seen that movie?)

Yeah thanks for pointing out the typos. I actually got another beta (because my other one was MIA) and she is going over it now so hopefully there is no more typos.

Thank you for such an amazing and helpful review!
Jasmine, x


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 208
Submit Report: