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Review:TenthWeasley says:
Hey -- reviewing for the TGS review exchange! And before I say anything else, I just want to remind you that you should credit the quote in your story summary. :) Don't want to get in trouble or anything like that!

I was very intrigued when I clicked over to this page and saw that you had written an Albus/Gellert story, because I've never really read any before -- somewhat strange, really, as there's a fair amount of slash writers here. I am curious to know what he was writing a letter to Dumbledore for, and what the response will be. Though I suppose I'm less curious about the response without knowing what the letter said in the first place! :D

The thing I will say about this, though, is that it was very hard to read down to the actual story through all the thick descriptions you've included. I love descriptions in stories, but I must say frankly that some of yours were a bit hard to wade through. Be careful not to stray from being descriptive into using purple prose, especially in a first chapter; there are some very good blogs and essays to be found about purple prose on the Internet, and they're very valuable research tools.

Another thing to remember is to keep your narration true to your characters! Even though this is told from a third person point of view, it is still Gellert's story; make sure that what you, the author, are saying would be things he would plausibly think about. "Warmth's honeyed clutches" comes to mind; it is a very poetic phrase, but I don't see a person plausibly thinking to describe warmth in that way. First chapters are made to draw readers in, and you don't want them getting lost in the process!

This is still a good start to a story, of course, and with just a bit of work I think you would have a lovely narrative style. Best of luck with the rest of this story!

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