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Review:my_voice_rising says:
Hi there! I'm so excited to find another well-written Oliver/OC. The first scene was wonderful; I loved her leaving him having to re-try to start off his sentence several times. I also really like your portrayal of Katie Bell. She's pretty brave, approaching Charlotte like that, and made a really good point.

I also like Charlotte a lot in that a part of me dislikes her--and I know how that sounds. She's a really great OC and a believable person; I as a reader am becoming frustrated with her stubbornness, especially on her opinions of Oliver (yes, he should care more about studying, and she should be more open to others having interests other than studying--they're both preparing for their future in different ways.) I thought she was snobbish and rude for pointing out her better marks to her best friend, but I think that makes up for the fact that she's very intelligent. I find her rather immature as well, but Alex is the one to point it out and make her realize it, so I'm assuming she will make a major change throughout the story. You've got a really good system of checks and balances going on with her personality to keep her well-rounded. I think she's a fantastic OC.

Alex, however, I love through and through! And therefore I have complete faith in Charlotte turning out okay ;) I really liked her line about Charlotte being a Hufflepuff beneath it all. Poor 'Puffs. No respect at all.

I wonder if you're satirizing the relationship of most Oliver/OCs where they hate each other for absolutely no reason. When Alex says, "That's it? He insulted you?" you're definitely articulating at least my feelings when reading a story where there's absolutely no reason for the hatred/sexual tension that starts off so many fanfics. Nice touch, even if unintentional. :)

Some minor critiques: why wouldn't McGonagall have asked Hermione to tutor Oliver, once Charlotte had already refused? I think you should better explain why it all rested on her. Secondly, I think the entire exchange in McGonagall's office was a bit random. Perhaps you could either lengthen it, since we all love how secretly Quidditch-crazed McGonagall is, or take it out entirely. It just seems like an odd addition being as short as it is. Also I believe "Seer" is capitalized, but you may want to double-check :)

All in all a wonderful start, and I'm really glad to have found your story! Oliver/OC authors unite!

Author's Response: thank you for taking the time to write out such a thoughtful review! :D i love long reviews! and it's taken me a few moments to gather my thoughts so hopefully this response doesn't sound completely scatter-brained.

i'll address your critiques first! i don't think McGonagall would've asked Hermione to tutor Oliver since she's only a third year and at this point, Oliver and Charlotte are both Seventh Years. she might be the "brightest witch of her age" but I don't think it'd make sense for a 13 year old to be tutoring a 17/18 year old. and i liked the idea that there might be someone else in Gryffindor who might be as smart as Hermione. :P

i haven't gone back to reread/edit some of my earlier chapters, but i understand where you're coming from. i definitely know that i have to flesh out a few more scenes and that they do seem sort of randomly placed...derp! thanks for pointing it out ^_^

also, HAHA yes. satirizing the relationship of most Oliver/OCs. both in that they hate each other for no reason, and that there's always sort of this theme of quidditch. like quidditch is involved in my story, but it doesn't play as big of a part as it does in other stories! :) and i don't think that Charlotte necessarily HATES Oliver, more that she finds him overrated. HA. but it's okay that you dont' like her too much. i didn't like her too much at first and she's my own creation HAHAHA. :D but she definitely grows on you (at least she grew on me, HAHA :D)

i also have my own personal critique of my work in that i feel like i should have done a better job of weaving her friends into all the chapters...like sometimes one character is more significant than another one and doesn't get as much growth, etc. but i guess in my own defense (i'm rambling, i'm so sorry @_@) that the story IS from Charlotte's POV so i suppose she's biased in that way and that she can't always be interacting with everyone all the time. :) kekeke.

but in general, i am SO FLATTERED. AH. you've left such a wonderful review! i can't even begin to thank you. :) it must've taken you forever to write it out, hehe :D :D there's definitely going to be a lot of editing when i finish but for now, i'm just going to keep plowing forward and leave it to you awesome reviewers to point out stuff i should fix. :D :D

thanks again, for taking the time to do this! it's made my night ^___^ ♥


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