Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ohmymerlin says:
Review Tag! :D

So this was a very interesting piece to read! I'm guessing because of the information that you've provided that Drasina is Hermione?

I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors so that's always a plus! :)

Although, I felt it was kind of... flat. Now don't take this as I'm saying I hate it or anything, because I really don't. I actually quite like this. You're very good with descriptions, but you told us every single detail surrounding Drasina. For example:

A young Canadian long ear owl sat on his perch on the counter of the store, Alfonse had the most magnificent grey and yellow coloring.

That might be the longest sentence I have ever read! Instead you could make it a bit shorter, but still give those details, like:

Alphonse, the grey and yellow coloured owl, sat on his perch, blinking his yellow eyes.

That still sounds a bit awkward to me but hopefully you understand the point I'm trying to make.

You really are good at imagery, but don't be afraid to skip on some details of the story. In the whole chapter, I felt like all Drasina was doing was describing her surroundings. Maybe you could go more in-depth with her emotions, especially because she doesn't remember anything?

That being said, this is a very original Dramione! The plot sounds fantastic! I usually don't read Dramione but this is a really refreshing outlook!

Good job on this, if you hadn't said, I would have never thought that you hadn't written in a while!

10/10! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, there is a edited version in validation cue atm that I think flows a bit better, I'm also trying to find a beta. I'm having a hard time finding the characters, if that makes sense... I have my story and I know where it wants to go but my characters are shy and not as forward as the story line in my head. Its a balance I am trying to sort out. :/ Again thank you so much for the review (even if it was review tag) I appreciate the criticism. I hope you come back to read the next chapters. :3 ~ Lady

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net