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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review Tag thread!

This was heart-warming in that way that stories where Ron really gets into his feelings always make me a little bit mushy. He's such a sentimental sap once you break through all the tough-guy armor that he doubtless had to develop in order to survive childhood in the same house with Fred and George. When something comes along that makes him truly happy, you can't help but cheer for the guy. From Goblet of Fire on, I remember cheering for him and Hermione to get together. It took so ridiculously long for that to happen, and you chronicle those events in a story that felt like a fun walk down memory lane.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I really think you could benefit from a beta reader. I saw a fair number of grammatical mistakes as I was reading the story. Not so terrible that I couldn't figure out what you were saying, but they did disrupt the flow of the story and make it harder to stay engaged and really submerge myself in Ron's mindset.

There were also some places where I felt like you took quotes directly from the books and it would have sounded a lot more like Ron's thoughts if you'd paraphrased or maybe approached things from a different angle. A good example is the line, "Seeing Hermione petrified, terrifies Ron. She is the cleverest witch of her age; nothing should be able to stop her." The remark about her being the cleverest witch of her age sounds like something one of the professors would think, not Ron. Ron might simply think, "How could something like this happen to her? She's brilliant. Nothing should be able to take her by surprise."

Overall, I loved the way that you built up to "their moment" in the Chamber of Secrets. The scene where the Deluminator leads him back, for instance, was a really nice choice.

I really enjoyed the memories and feelings that this story evoked. If you went thought it carefully and fixed the little things, I thing you'd have something really lovely!

Author's Response: Hi there!

I know, it took a whole seven books for Ron and Hermione together, I wanted them together straight away! :p

I was looking at the quick betas over at the forums yesterday, debating whether I should ask one of them or not. I think I will, thanks for pointing those out! :D

That sentence sounded awkward to me too, I'll definitely revise that and send it to a beta ASAP! :)

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for all the tips you've given me! I'll definitely use put them in place soon! :)

Thank you for reviewing! :D


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