Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review Tag thread!

This was heart-warming in that way that stories where Ron really gets into his feelings always make me a little bit mushy. He's such a sentimental sap once you break through all the tough-guy armor that he doubtless had to develop in order to survive childhood in the same house with Fred and George. When something comes along that makes him truly happy, you can't help but cheer for the guy. From Goblet of Fire on, I remember cheering for him and Hermione to get together. It took so ridiculously long for that to happen, and you chronicle those events in a story that felt like a fun walk down memory lane.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I really think you could benefit from a beta reader. I saw a fair number of grammatical mistakes as I was reading the story. Not so terrible that I couldn't figure out what you were saying, but they did disrupt the flow of the story and make it harder to stay engaged and really submerge myself in Ron's mindset.

There were also some places where I felt like you took quotes directly from the books and it would have sounded a lot more like Ron's thoughts if you'd paraphrased or maybe approached things from a different angle. A good example is the line, "Seeing Hermione petrified, terrifies Ron. She is the cleverest witch of her age; nothing should be able to stop her." The remark about her being the cleverest witch of her age sounds like something one of the professors would think, not Ron. Ron might simply think, "How could something like this happen to her? She's brilliant. Nothing should be able to take her by surprise."

Overall, I loved the way that you built up to "their moment" in the Chamber of Secrets. The scene where the Deluminator leads him back, for instance, was a really nice choice.

I really enjoyed the memories and feelings that this story evoked. If you went thought it carefully and fixed the little things, I thing you'd have something really lovely!

Author's Response: Hi there!

I know, it took a whole seven books for Ron and Hermione together, I wanted them together straight away! :p

I was looking at the quick betas over at the forums yesterday, debating whether I should ask one of them or not. I think I will, thanks for pointing those out! :D

That sentence sounded awkward to me too, I'll definitely revise that and send it to a beta ASAP! :)

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for all the tips you've given me! I'll definitely use put them in place soon! :)

Thank you for reviewing! :D

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net