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Review:greylady_Ravenclaw says:
Hello there!
Lovely start to a story. Its nice to see the relaxing day to day activities to witches and wizards every so often. A few of your sentences are a bit awkward or lack punctuation. Nothing too dramatic, but it can catch the reader up a bit if they tend to read with punctuation.

"The dark hair girl was running as fast as her legs would let her. A wand clenched in her hand that wasnít hers."

These sentences are just a bit awkward. Lovely imagery, though. However try 'A wand that wasn't hers" instead of the awkward placing of the phrase.

As I said, you have good imagery. And I'm assuming by how it seems you have everything set up Sin is actually Hermione? Interesting take. If I'm wrong, I apologize. I've not see anyone take that angle before.

I think you've got a good start. Perhaps a beta to smooth out the few wrinkles, but other than that, good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I have a lot of little issues I am trying to tweak out. I wanted a story that wasn't over done, and felt this approach was different, is it going to be obvious I hope not... Again thank you for the advice. once I get the next chapter up I plan to go back in and edit the first two. Rereading them I see little things I would like to change. ~ Lady

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