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Review:Calypso says:
Hey there! This is CalypsoJenna from the forums, here with your requested review. I'm sorry it's taken me a while to get round to it!

Great beginning! You introduced your characters and set out their differences really well. The passage where each of them woke up particularly emphasised this- it told the reader a lot about both girls. I think at the moment, I prefer Max of the two of them- she makes me laugh!

In fact, all the way through, you did a really good job of highlighting the disparity between these girls' lives- Max with her slightly chaotic family, and Elizabeth with her rather more serene one.

I really enjoyed the family relationships in this chapter- you've put them together really well. I think Max being close to her grandfather is a really great idea- it will add so much depth to the story to have his voice in there. Elizabeth's relationship with Liam also seems really sweet! It's an interesting idea for this "studious and perfect" character to be dealing with a terminally ill brother. I would advise you though, not to make Liam tooo perfect- as a nine-year-old boy, I'm sure he'd have some moments too! Although in this chapter you've steered clear of that. Also like the way you've developed his illness- it seems realistic.

So well done on this chapter! You've set up two very conflicting characters- I'm very intrigued as to how they're going to meet. I think it's a very original idea to base a story around (what I assume will be) a friendship, rather than a romance. A wonderful start!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!!

I love that Max makes you laugh. She's probably my favourite character at this point. Though I've really enjoyed exploring Elizabeth's character.

Hmm thanks for the point about Liam. He doesn't have a huge part in this but I guess a nine year old would have to be selfish at some point. I will keep that in mind for future chapters. I'm glad the illness seems realistic though.

I feel there are far too many romantic fictions on this site so I really wanted to use this piece to explore relationships outside of this field, and how two very different girls would interact in the Hogwarts social scene :)


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