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Review:greylady_Ravenclaw says:
Wow. Lovely story! I quite like this as the opener. It draws you in while adding hints of possibly important background along the way as inner monologue. I love to see that.

The only thing that stuck out to me was "Hogwarts whistle" I had to stop and think for a minute and see if I had missed something. Just thought I'd let you know that I think Express may have been left out? Not sure. It just sounded a bit awkward.

I love that you took the Head Girl from Slytherin. Didn't catch that at all and it totally took me by surprise! I am assuming Oliver is Ravenclaw? I may have missed where you stated his house, but by context clues, I figured Ravenclaw.

Overall, though, 9/10.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad it does draw you in - I know that these Hogwarts Express scenes can be overdone and not a lot happened, so it's good to know it's still interesting.

I hadn't noticed that before - must have slipped my mind. It should be Hogwarts Express whistle - thanks for bringing that to my attention :)

A lot of people have been surprised about Amelia being from Slytherin, but I think Slytherin, especially in the Hogwarts era, has been bashed a lot and they really weren't that bad. I didn't mention Oliver's house but yes, he is a Ravenclaw - I must be doing something right for you to pick up on that without me saying it outright :)

Thanks for the review!


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