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Review:HarrietHopkirk says:
I really liked it this! It shows great promise, and I like what you've done with the characters and I really want to see what happens next.

I would love to see a bit more description in your writing. You're very dialogue based, and I think you could take this story further if you cut some of the unnecessary dialogue (it's horrible to do, believe me... I had to do that with one of my own stories, and I was all like 'I NEED ALL THIS DIALOGUE' and had a minor breakdown) and replace it with a bit more description. Even if it's of the countryside of the train, or a bit more or Arianthe's emotions and backstory, but I think it would help with the flow and make it less dialogue-heavy.

Other than that, I really think this story has promise! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! Criticism is always welcome, and this is good stuff. I hadn't realized there was so much dialogue! :) :) I'll be sure to put some description in there, that's an important part of the story too.

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