Hey there, Kayla. I apologize for the delay. Once again, I've been swept up in the whirlwind that is the real world, much to my dismay. But fear not, for I am here with your requested review - finally!
First of all, let me say that I was pleasantly surprised by this. I think out of all the pieces you've requested reviews for from me, this is by far your best. With each piece you produce, you just get better and better; there is such improvement in your writing and I'm so happy to see you really coming into your own.
Okay, now to touch upon the areas of concern. I believe the first one you mentioned in your request was concerning the pronouns you used. I don't know if it's because I'm a big fan of using pronouns rather than the character's actual name, but I thought you did it wonderfully. There were a few instances where I had to go back and reread a few words just so I was sure I had a firm understanding of whom you were referring to, but it didn't retract from the overall experience of reading the piece.
On that note, I must say that the flow of this was very nice. There were no moments where I felt severely disjointed or thrown for a loop. It was all very concise and to the point, but not so much so that it was boring. Quite the opposite, actually. The more I read, the further I was pulled into the meat of the piece. So good job with keeping up the interest and actually building it as you went along.
I know your other concern was whether or not Snape was too out of canon. Personally, I felt that he was, mostly because Snape didn't care if James or Harry survived; he was concerned with Lily's survival and only hers. He said it himself to Dumbledore. And while I think he might have had momentary lapses of judgment in regards to Harry, I don't think he would've gone so far to say that Harry was brave - foolhardy and arrogant, yes, but never brave. Also, I thought your version of Snape was a little too lenient in his feelings towards James. It's easy to see in canon that Snape still despises James and that's because he got everything that Snape ever wanted. James was everything that Snape wanted to be, but never could. However, I will say that this new spin you put on Snape was an interesting one, even if it conflicts with my own personal feelings regarding Snape, I thought you did a good job fleshing out his character. Mostly it's just a matter of personal preference, but your Snape was almost a little too nice and a great deal more sympathetic than, I feel, he deserves, lol.
All in all, this was a really great one-shot. You should feel very proud of the work you've done.
Author's Response: Hi, Molly! It's okay for the delay, I understand that real life can sometimes get in the way!
Oh wow, thank you! I'm glad to hear that you think I'm improving! :D
Okay, so no adding names? Just make it more clearer, then! :D I don't like using names either, so I was really reluctant to add names, I just wanted to get a second opinion! :)
Glad to hear the flow was good, I always worry about that! :p
Ahaha, I think I'm going to make him a bit more bitter, but I still want to keep that kind of niceness within him, he definitely doesn't deserve all the sympathy but I thought I'd put a new spin on his personality. But I will make him a bit more bitter and use less positive words.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this! I will be fixing it up soon, I just have limited time. Your tips are greatly appreciated! Thanks again! :D