Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:MargaretLane says:
It sounds a bit awkward referring to Albus and James's parents as Mr. Potter and Mrs. Potter. I think it's more usual to say "his mother" or "his father".

That part about "Fine. I'll hate him tomorrow" was really amusing.

I'm wondering if Luke is a werewolf. The description of him sounds a bit like the first descriptions we got of Remus - the shabbiness and all. And I doubt you'd bring it up if he just got scratched by a cat.

To be a little nitpicky, I think the part about the four friends starting to be as soon as they meet up sounds a little bit rushed and it's kind of giving away what'll happen later - that they'll become friends. Something like "Albus and Rose really liked both boys and hope they could all become friends" would be a bit better, I think. But that's a matter of opinion, really, I guess.

Blood flavour. That's a really good addition. And I loved your taffy and what it did too. I'm not very good at coming up with new stuff like that.

James really is Fred and George all over again: making his little sister test out something that mightn't be safe without even letting her know what he is doing. And George shouldn't ask his underage nephew to do that either.

Hmm, the "my parents thought I was..." wouldn't really fit with being a werewolf because they'd surely know that. If the pause was after the "I", then it'd make sense, because it could be "my parents thought I wouldn't be allowed attend". I still think I could be right though. Maybe it wasn't that he was going to answer honestly by accident. Maybe it was just that he was deciding how to answer and that's why he paused.

There shouldn't be full stops before or after the said when you are writing dialogue. It should be '"I wouldn't be surprised, with the awful smell coming from you, not to mention the way you look," said Rose coldly.'

It makes perfect sense that Scorpius would know some magic before starting Hogwarts. I doubt Draco would care about breaking the underage magic laws.

Author's Response: Wow! This is a long response!

I know about the friend thing. I am bad at that kind of stuff. I just decided that I had to start somewhere, so I started there. *shrugs*

My Grammar is awful, so don't be surprised. *hides in corner* I have a beta now though, so chapters should be better!

thanks once again for the awesome review!
Keep Reading!!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 938
Submit Report: