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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, there! Tagging you from the Review Tag thread!

I think you have a really interesting beginning here. I've read a few "best mates" type comedies, but the characters and time period you have selected are definitely unique. There's something to be said for avoiding the central canon characters when you want to have a lot of freedom to explore, and you're definitely exploring here. I'll break the review up a bit, just to organize things..

**The Good** I think you have a premise that's easy to relate to for most people in their mid-20's or older -- well, the fun people, anyway. I felt an instant connection with the situation these characters are in: young, relatively carefree, broke, under-employed and living "real" lives in name only. "That one friend" who's attempting to be a grown-up and therefore draws the mockery and grudging admiration of the others was also a good touch. Your description of the scene in the bar was really well done, as well as your descriptions of the sensations of having had a bit too much. I really loved the way that you wrote Dean and Seamus.

**The Could Have Been a Bit Better** One thing that bothers me in a lot of fics I read is when the author uses the inner monologue the main character in the first chapter to do a "plot dump" of name, rank and serial number-type information for the major characters. This is far from an egregious example of that, but I think I would have liked it better if you had waited until Lisa and Justin are properly introduced and then worked in some of their essential details more gradually. To me, it's always better when you can work information like that into the flow of the story. It's easier for me to remember because there's context I can attach it to. Like I said, I didn't feel like you beat me over the head with it the way that some stories do, I just think it's something that might improve things.

**The Nit-Picky** Seven Galleons would be a really expensive drink! One galleon is around 5 GBP or US$8. Seven Sickles would make more sense.

Overall, I think you have a great start here. I would definitely enjoy reading more!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks a bunch for leaving such a thoughtful, constructive review. I see your point about the "fun" people--I was worried that it would seem like Edie was living too much of a "LOOK AT ME I'M SO POPULAR" lifestyle, which is why I wanted to confine her to a small group of friends. Really, I feel like we're sharing the same kind of existence right now. And trust me. I'm not that cool ;)

I see your point with the plot-dumping; it really was not my intention but I got excited and started writing everything that came to mind ;) I think I'll take your advice and try to work a little more of the Lisa-Justin storyline later into the story. My intention was that Edie's narration would sound like a person who talks to much in the first place, who has had a couple of drinks, and feels like it's okay to just talk and talk and talk about anything and everything. I'll re-read the first chapter and decide how much is too much, though. I really appreciate that constructive crit there :)

And holy jeez! I will also fix the seven galleons bit--I haven't been in the fanfic world after a 5+ year break and so my knowledge of the Harry Potter world is a little out of touch right now. I'll be sure to fix that as well; thanks for pointing it out!


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