So I have one very tiny CC about this chapter that I'm going to get out of the way. Contractions. I think you need to add more in here, just because you have a lot of words that could be turned into them, but aren't and it makes it feel a bit formal at certain points. Now that that's over...
THIS WAS FREAKING ADORABLE. And I think that his proposal was perfect. Because it was like what their 'relationship' seems like so far! Different, not traditional, and just something unexpected. And I can see his point. I've often wondered why people don't do it like that. When you think about it, courting for weeks then deciding to marry used to be how it was done. Not dating for years, then getting engaged. I think it was very well done; the scene didn't feel forced, and I picked up on Valeria's hesitance but not because she didn't love him, but because it was just unexpected! perfectly.
I'm also curious as to what has made Lorcan such a loner! And I love the way you've already characterized Luna through the eyes of her daughter. Her comments about the odd things Luna believes and her little saying about eating without a family member unless that family is with their wife/children/other family.. it was great and reminded me that this is *in fact* Luna's daughter. And! It made the unconventional proposal as well as relationship that much better!
I think you did great when Luna actually came into play. She is letting her daughter answer her own questions, it's obvious she's grown up and is a mother, but her whimsical nature and feeling is still strong and I absolutely loved that.
AND I'm so jealous that you have a way to vent about your book, IN your book! I started giggling when I was reading about Valeria's troubles with the chapter, because that's yours, but it's hers because even though it's your book, it's still her book! I'm not making sense, am I?
And I am extremely excited as to what these discussions about Jenny uncover. I can imagine that would be really hard. Hearing about someone your fiance once cared very much about, as well as hard for him to have to talk about it. Though I'm sure he's open to, it still can't be fun.
The only thing I really wanted to see in this that wasn't, was Astoria's and Draco's reaction! I mean, I know Draco's at work and Astoria's cooking... but I still couldn't help but wanting to see it. Haha. And that's only because I'm greedy for more of your awesome writing :). I also loved how you started out this chapter with what we all imagine will happen on that special day, because for every girl it's very true.
I really enjoyed this, darling. I love being inside Valeria's head, she's an amusing and lovable character that I can't wait to learn more about! The entire dynamic of this all felt natural, like I was watching it all happen as opposed to read it.
Author's Response: -lots of squealing- Okay! Better now!
First of all, you're absolutely right about the contractions! It was a habit I picked up as I wrote the Peverell chapters, so it sticks around sometimes. I'll make sure I go back to these and fix them, so thanks for pointing them out!
YOU THOUGHT THE PROPOSAL WAS GOOD? -hugs- I really didn't think anyone would like the way I chose to do this, even though I have my reasons, but it's just not the way it's usually done, right? It's a relief to hear you think it was good though! Actually, over here, the whole courting then long engagements is the way things usually happen and it seemed like an interesting concept to take on, even if I don't really understand its dynamics. -hugs again-
Luna was fine? You're serious? AH! I swear, while writing this chapter, just this scene took me a whole day because writing Luna terrifies me as much as does writing Severus! And I had no clue how grown up Luna would be like. I'm so happy right now!
And yes, I'm abusing my powers here because if any story is meant to drive me insane, it's this one! And having Valeria complain about it, somehow, always helps me come up with a solution!
I do agree with you about Astoria and Draco but I've got something in mind for the two of them, I promise!
Thank you so, so much Jami for the wonderful reviews! They're always encouraging me to go ahead with this! And thank you for the compliments; they're the reason I sit here and squeal!
Lots and lots of love.