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Review:academica says:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)

For someone who is unfamiliar with writing angst, I think you did a phenomenal job! I write a lot of angst, and much of it is just me putting a darker spin on canon characterization. That's what I think you did here--made being a twin seem unpleasant, not in a humorous way but on a deeper level. I love how the sweater--and clothes, on a larger level--came to symbolize his feelings of inferiority compared to Lorcan and his jealousy about Lily.

The numbering system you used was a little distracting for me. I can definitely appreciate a more abstract style, but I would recommend using dividing symbols (asterisks, dashes, etc.) or line breaks to split up your paragraphs/sections in the future. That's probably just a matter of my personal preference.

because he isn't charming enough to obtain the latter -- love this. Great way to use a tiny, specific example to illustrate a larger trait.

The ending here was nice. I love that Lily, with all her light and perfection, was able to draw Lysander out of his doom and gloom for just a few moments. Now that I've gotten to the end, it fills me with all sorts of Snape/Lily feels (my favorite thing! Yay.) because I imagine that Lily Evans had the same sort of effect on him, and his personality seems quite similar to how you've characterized Lysander.

I wouldn't worry about the dialogue. I think some of the best one-shots I've read have little to no dialogue, and the piece seems more powerful without dialogue because to me, it emphasizes Lysander existing mostly in his own little world. I also wouldn't worry about flow; I was pretty hooked in to this short (and a bit charming) story.

Lovely job! I hope this review is helpful to you!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda! I am so so so so sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your lovely review; I'd like to thank you for stopping by in the first place and for taking the time to write this! I really appreciate it :)
I'm so glad that you thought I did well with the angst! That really means a lot to me - especially since writing this has made me want to write more angst pieces. It's a really great genre, isn't it? I never really thought about it much before, but now I love it!
And I certainly understand what you mean about the numbering system. The numbering was always a part of the story and I think it might have been because I was thinking that maybe this would be one of those one-shots where the story was told out of order. But then I went and told the story in order and the numbers stayed for some reason. I think I'm just going to leave them there for this particular story but I'll remember to use a different system for the future so thank you for pointing that out!
And thank you! I really enjoyed writing that line so it makes me happy to hear that stuck out to you and that you liked it :)
It's funny, I didn't notice the parallels between Lysander/Lily and Snape/Lily while writing, but you're right - it's definitely there. There certainly are differences (mostly because I see Snape/Lily as an unrequited type of love whereas I think Lily does have some romantic feelings towards Lysander in this) but Snape and Lysander do share that isolation and the sense of inferiority. Nice catch! I really like that idea and I'm glad that you noticed it!
And thank you about the no dialogue bit! I was worried when I first published this because I wrote this story with the intention of having dialogue. But then I wrote the last line and felt like that was a good place to end it even though nothing was said. But I was always a bit unsure if that was the best decision because I was afraid that it was boring without it. But I feel much better about it now so thank you.
Thank you so very much for stopping by and leaving me such a lovely review! I'm glad that you enjoyed this one-shot and your comments were extremely helpful :D

~Jess :D


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