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Review:academica says:
Hi Jami! Here with your requested review :)

What a great (and tragic) way to tie into canon! Your spelling of the names bothered me a little as I read that first section (Edger=Edgar and Ester=Esther), but I liked the way you built up to it with Lily fixating on the desk and on Fawkes. I'm also glad that Frank and Augusta were okay and that James and Sirius were able to make up again. I have to admit that I found that section a little slow flow- and pace-wise; once you got the news out and we knew that everyone was all right, the conversation seemed to drag things a little for me. I would maybe go in there and consider taking out some of the dialogue, detail, or repetition you have.

I thought you did a good job with Dumbledore and McGonagall, especially in that McGonagall couldn't help chastising her misbehaving students. I also like that they seemed to have a 'natural' (i.e., surprised) reaction to the talking Patronuses. Speaking of the Patronuses, I liked that, too. I'm thinking that James probably had Lily in mind (maybe when we was cradling her in the beginning) when he cast his stag Patronus :) Anyway, it was neat to see it through Lily's eyes, because I could tell that she was really blown away by his gentleness and his strong magical abilities. No wonder they were recruited for the Order!

Gosh, Bellatrix is scary even in moments of weakness! I loved your characterization of her--I felt like it was the shining point of this chapter. I liked how she turned her anger in on herself, because that seems like something that fits in with her character, and how she seemed to treasure her Mark so much. It reminded me of a little girl clutching her teddy bear, in the creepiest way possible. It'll be interesting to see what comes next.

Nice work! As always, I hope this review is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you for pointing out the name spelling. Even in my notes I constantly misspell Edgar's, I have no idea why, haha. And I thought the same thing!!! About the flow. It felt slow to be, but I wasn't sure if that was because I read this chapter a million times or not. Hmm.. I'll have to see if I can rearrange the set up of that first scene to get everything to seem a bit more fast paced while still getting the information in..

I'm happy you liked the Patronuses. And yes, James was thinking about Lily *lovey eyes*. The first version of this chapter I actually had written from James's perspective, but that made is much harder to show the surprise of the talking Patronuses. So I'm happy that you liked seeing it through Lily.

I never thought I'd have a thing for Bellatrix, but I do. She's such an awesome character to write. Dan is to thank for her entire section. This chapter felt very weak until he suggested to add something from the failed DE PoV, and I'm so glad I did. I agree that it's the better part of the two sections.

Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews ♥


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