|Review:||Cherry Bear says:|
First of all, I just have to prostrate myself at your feet in apology because it's taken me such an obscene amount of time to read and review this and it's pretty much unacceptable. Especially because this is such a wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL piece of writing. Perfect reading when you're snuggled up in bed with hot cocoa while it's raining, as I am (:
I've never been a big fan of the Lorcan/Lily/Lysander triangle but wow I think this has converted me. I love the way you handled each of the characters and how you painted such a clear image of Lysander's life in such a small amount of words. It's a weird thing to focus on, but I feel like the way he handled the letter from his Mum just said so much about what kind of a person he is and what kind of mother Luna is and what their relationship is like. And I think it's really amazing that you could convey so much in so little. So really good job with that, and with your characterization in general (:
Objectively, twins feeling a sense of rivalry is cliche. But, even though it's been done before, it hasn't been done quite like this - not with your level of charm and Lysander's realization in the end. It's difficult to choose a favorite part of this, but I think (ironically) mine would have to be the sentence with the Perks of Being a Wallflower quote in it: "But most of all he glares because everyone is always comparing everyone with everyone and he is the worst of them all."
And it's not just because of the quote, although you used it wonderfully. It's the context you've wrapped around this quote and the idea you convey with it - that, yes, people do compare Lysander with Lorcan, but he is the one who is constantly latching onto those comparisons to make himself feel inferior and unimportant. I just found that ending weirdly inspiring, maybe because it was so easy for me to relate to Lysander's feelings of inferiority. Anyway, not sure I'm doing a very good job of explaining why I loved that bit so much, but the important thing is that I did and I think you rocked this angst piece.
I enjoyed the format of this too. The numbers worked really well and it didn't seem too choppy or abrupt or anything. They also helped add an element of humor to the story, with his repeated promises to do his laundry again - especially because the reader knows exactly where his procrastination on laundry is heading and you sort of build up expectation for when he's going to have to wear that dreadful sweater. I like that you mixed in humor with the angst and moments of self-realization here (: Particularly in the beginning, I thought Lysander's in-depth observations of everything were very amusing and did a good job of establishing his quirkiness as a character.
I don't really have much to criticize here. I think you could use a second set of eyes to read this over, maybe, because there were a few grammatically incorrect or semi-confusing things. I'm not really sure why, but I had to read the last part of the first section (about Lily Potter opening her package and how he misses her smile) a few times before I really understood what you were saying. I think it's that last bit ("If he had known, he would have been sorry") that throws me off...something about the tenses or the ambiguity of the phrase, "If he had known". Gaaah I'm really awful at explaining myself, especially when I don't know whether it is grammatically correct or not. Just ignore me and my inability to articulate proper criticisms.
Anyway, that aside, I thought this was very well written and that you handled the transitions between each little segment very well. I think the most brilliant part about this was, as I mentioned before, the ideas that Lysander ponders in the end. The comparing everyone with everyone else bit, but also the endlessly ambitious/endlessly lazy thing. And I know it seems like I'm only complimenting on what you explicitly says wasn't yours, but I'm not complimenting the mere ideas, I swear! I'm complimenting the way you used them and that characterization of Lysander as simultaneously lazy and ambitious, because I just think it fits them very well.
Anyway, sorry this review is no where near as coherent or organized or flattering as you deserve. I feel like I'm sort of jumping all over the place with my compliments and being all sorts of vague so I'm just going to stop and end with this: I really enjoyed this. Your characters were supremely easy to relate to, to the point that I'm left wanting more of your Lysander and Lily and Lorcan and Luna (so many L names!) The quote fit into the story seamlessly and I thought this was a very original way to use it. Thank you so much for entering my challenge and giving me the pleasure of reading this! :) I'll try not to take too much longer to post the results hehe.