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Review:Calypso says:
Hello, this is CalysoJenna from the forums here with your requested review! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get round to it!

"The Firewhiskey goes down like gasoline." What an amazing first sentence! It was really hooked me, and drew the reader into the story.

I thought this was a great first chapter- you manage to set up your main character, introduce her friends/situation and tell us a lot about her personality, which is pretty much exactly what I think a first chapter needs to do.

I'm loving Edie! She already has a really strong voice and personality and is very easy to read! You seem to have really sorted her back story and everything too which is good- it helps her seem more three dimensional. I also love her name!

I don't think that it's too cliche to have her best friends with Dean and Seamus. They seem very close throughout the books so there's no reason to suppose they wouldn't have remained so afterwards, and having her also friends with a very minor canon character helps to balance this out.
If you're worried about having too many Gryffindor canon characters as her friends, maybe play down her friendship with George and Lee Jordan who I noticed you mentioned? Just an idea- I don't know if they're going to be important to the plot!

I wouldn't worry about holding people's interest until Oliver shows up- this first chapter really draws the reader in. You've set up a very strong protagonist and enough possibilities for future developments to keep me more than interested!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Thank you! And it's no problem at all; we've all got real lives, right?

It took me forever to think of how to begin this story, so I'm glad the first line was at least interesting. ;)

Also I thought Dean and Seamus's friendship was not mentioned enough in the story. I've RPed as Seamus before and had a really great time staging interactions between the two of them, so I thought their bromance needed some love in the fanfiction realm :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to look at my story. It is greatly appreciated!


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