Here with your review! Finally! :)
I really thought that you did a great job portraying Remus. He felt a bit torn between being confident and having that fear still there, but I could see a lot of growth in him from where he started out at. That was perfect! I thought that it was realistic that he would still feel this way when he fights with Snape. It helps balance out his torn feelings. It is like he wants to preserve all that he can between him, Lily and the others, but he still has this fear that everything is going to fall apart. I hope this makes sense.
You totally nailed James and Sirius. Their personalities were great and I like how you made the witty and not just the troublemakers. By doing so you were able to provide in the subtle hints of how bright they actually are despite the chaos they cause. Peter was interesting and I like how he is jumpy when James and Sirius do something he finds remarkable even if that means talking back to someone. Peter isn't my favorite character in the world, but you do a wonderful job of bringing him to life.
I really thought that when Sirius recieved the Howler was spot on and I even caught that moment when he had a small smile on his face despite the repercussions of that Howler. He shows that he is different than the rest of his family. He may be a Haughty Black, but he is Sirius and he will always have a light hearted, loyal side to him.
I really liked Lily. She has this Lily-ness to her. Where she is kind of stuck up, but she does care and has a wonderful way of showing it. I always think of Lily as brainwashed in a way before Severus utters that unforgiving word to her when in fifth year.
I felt really bad for Robert. I like him as a character because he gives good contrast, but I felt horrible for him. He really didn't know what he was getting into when James and Sirius became Gryffindors.
Professor McGonagall was brilliant! She was this great combination of strict teacher and caring individual all rolled into one. It was nice to see her soft side come out when she was dealing with Remus. It is a subtle thing that I see in her, but it is there. I thought you nailed her characterization.
Madam Pompfrey was a wonderfully fussy! She is very typical and exactly what I would picture her to be!
Professor Dumbledore...the character that you feel gives you the most trouble and here my friend you did a brilliant job with him. I wouldn't be able to picture him any other way. He was so real, sensitive and wise!
You did such an amazing job in this chapter fleshing out all of your characters and making sure a lot of ground gets covered.
I did notice a couple of lines where a word was missing and here they are:
"They were all eager to start, but soon found out that it would years yet until they reached that level of magic."
You are just missing the word be between would and years.
"In Herbology they were brought into Greenhouse One in the school grounds."
This sentence is fine on its own and I am okay with you leaving it this way if you would like it to, but it does sound a little strange with the "in the school grounds." It may sound better if you used on instead, but either way it works.
Keep up the awesome writing of this story! I love it and I adore you as an author! You have such a great grasp at what it is that you are writing and bringing to life. 10/10
Author's Response: AHHH I had this big long response written and it just disappeared!
Okay, I will try this again. Do not worry about the delay in reviewing, your reviews are well worth the wait, so I do not mind at all.
I am so glad you liked Remus here, and you hit the nail on this head, I wanted to show how far he had come, but at the same time show that he still his his awful fear that it is all just fleeting, that everything will just fall apart without warning.
I am so glad you liked James, Sirius, Peter and Lily. With James and Sirius I did not want them to be just troublemakers. I wanted them to be funny and clever too, a bit like Fred and George. But there is a slight maliciousness to what they do, which will be more evident later on. With Peter, yeah, I find him very hard to write, so just knowing you find him real really makes me more confident. With Sirius I am glad you liked the Howler. I took on board what you said in your last review and make a few minor tweaks, and I very relieved you think it works. Thanks so much for the CC in the last review, it really helped in making Sirius more like the Sirius we know. Cheers!
Again, so glad you liked McGonagall, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. With McGonagall there is a conversation between her and Remus that is coming in chapter 16 that I am really unsure about, it has gone through about 5 drafts and I am just worried and nervous about it, but just knowing that you find her real here, makes me feel more confident. Even with Dumbledore. I put in so much work and time into writing him, it really takes forever, but just hearing you say that it is realistic makes it all worthwhile!
I am also glad you like Robert. He is a cross between Percy and this girl I went to school with. I am glad you like him because he is the first original character that will feature a godo bit, so I am happy you like him!
I am sorry about the typo. I have put 'be' where it should be now! In terms of the on versus in debate... I think in is right, because the Hogwarts grounds are enclosed in walls. You say in the garden, because a garden has walls, but you say on the beach, because a beach has no walls... or at least that is my understanding. I could be wrong. I'll check with with my English teacher!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and taking my request. I will request for the next two chapters once your queue is open again. I love your reviews and I adore you as a reviewer too, and your story are great too (I will get around to reading them all, probably over the mid-term break!). Thanks so much for everything again. You are truly fantastic!