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Review:cartoonheart94 says:
hello, its cartoonheart again.
so, i have just read the chapter and i have to say that it looks like it'll pan out into a pretty decent story.
i like the way that even though draco is in trouble, you haven't made him seem all 'innocent and just a victim'. that way, you have still kept his personality intact and we the readers don't feel forced into feeling sorry for him. well done on that.
i like some of the british terms in there, such as 'loo'. most writers tend to forget that this is a british book and so it is a rarity to find such brit terms anymore, so cheers!
the breakup with pansy...well, i liked it, it seemed realistic based on where you're looking at it from. i personally thought that pansy would have been a little more snarky because of what i've seen in the books but its only fair to say that maybe she's softer when she's with draco (like we see in HBP when they on the train).
another thing that made me a little uneasy was that alastor and tonks referred to them by their first names, aren't they supposed to be on last name terms? but anyway, i like that tonks was still her bubbly self.
i like the way you've created narcissa, instead of being the innocent victim in her family's vendetta, she's the true embodiment of her name a narcissistic pureblood.
great story so far, i like it. 8/10
:) Cartoonheart

Author's Response: Hi, there!

My biggest goal for the story wasn't to make Draco sympathetic or warm and fuzzy, it was to make him realistic. He still harbors most of the same prejudices and character flaws that made him such a disagreeable antagonist in the first 5 books. But he's also just beginning to realize in this chapter that he *might* be in over his head. Not that it's going to change his approach to dealing with life right away. After all, being a snobby, arrogant brat has gotten him this far. So overall I'm pleased with your reaction.

I try to pepper in British terms to make the story sound more like the books where I can. I'm obviously culturally handicapped in that regard, but I have an awesome beta reader who floats me some suggestions and keeps me from messing up.

The thing with Pansy is that she really does care about Draco. They've been schoolmates for 5 years and a couple for some amount of time. But she doesn't care about him *enough* to go against her father's wishes. She probably doesn't care about anybody that much. She's a Slytherin, and she embraces those values.

Ah, Narcissa. Nothing has changed about her, at least not yet. She is much more aware of the danger that they're in, but she's not about to suddenly make up with her blood traitor sister or half-blood niece.

I'm really glad you're enjoying it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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