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Review:Remus says:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! So sorry it has taken me a while, but I've been sick and not really in a reading mood. However, I'm here now ready for some reading!

Reading a Hermione/Sirius (ish) fic is a bit odd for me, specially since Hermione belongs with Ron and Ron alone. But putting that aside, this was a nice piece. Short but it didn't feel rushed. I like how Sirius gave her the advice to just move on and live her life. Its definitely something he would do! Sirius never struck me as one who would dwell in sadness too long so he would be the one to give that advice.

I did notice a couple of issues. First off, formatting. Some paragraphs are not spaced out. Its not a biggie but still. I'm not sure if you meant to have Sirius' and Hermione's dialogue in the same paragraph but usually when one character speaks, they get their own paragraph. I've rarely seen it where two characters's dialogues share the same paragraph and when I do, they only do it once. Maybe twice. So, in my honest opinion, I think you should separate Hermione's and Sirius' dialogue.

In the part where it reads 'this couldn't be it was impossible'. If you add a comma after 'be', it would read so much better.

And in "Sirius, why, how, you can't be here?!" If you were to add a question mark after 'Why' and 'How' it'll add more emphasis into Hermione's confusion. Also, if you were to remove the question mark from the end, it'll be more of a statement rather than a surprised question. You know?

As I read through the story, I noticed a lot of sentences that would read better if they had a full stop rather than having a comma.

In the part "I, It's not too late" The comma there is confusing. I'm not sure if Hermione was going to say 'I' as in herself OR if she was a bit hesitant. If she was indeed the latter, don't use the comma but a hyphen which separates the syllables.

your probably thinking,--'your' to 'you're'.

Sorry if I seem picky/annoying about small things but these are moments that will make you a much better writer. So don't take what I told you the wrong way! I mean it in a way that will help you improve as a writer.

Thanks for the read!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey there! Hope you are feeling better and thanks for reviewing!
Thanks for the CC, I'll go through and edit it! :)


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