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Review:my_voice_rising says:
I love that your character sleep-walks. How embarrassing what she was wearing when she was caught, although I really want pink bed socks with snitch pompoms on them now... And I love how much Filch is enjoying their punishment. Shackles, really? How canon! The way he decided that he'd rather punish the students than be set up with Madame Pince was so iconic.

I don't quite understand your comparison with the Olympian swimmers. I really like that bit of the metaphor, about preparing to take a dive--but then it loses me because I don't think of Olympics as being leisurely nor do they have sharks. Maybe if you could clarify that a bit more.

Also, the lines “By the way, where were you going when you slammed into me?” Potter asked me with the smirk.

“Late night rendez-vous with a boyfriend?” should all go into one paragraph, I think, to relieve some confusion over who's talking :)

I. Freaking. LOVE. Your characterization of Neville. He sounds like such a typical liberal arts college professor. I bet a lot of readers can relate to that. The teeshirt was a great touch.

Same thing with putting one person's dialogue in the same paragraph. This: “Nothing really.” Longbottom raised his eyebrow.

“I just helped her. She forgot her books to the Ravenclaw tower.” Potter tried to look as innocent as possible. Professor Longbottom didn’t buy it.

...is also confusing.

Haha, her excuse of sleeping with a two-thousand page book under her pillow is hilarious. All in all, a good start. I think you've really characterized James well. I want to hate him because he's the son of The Boy Who Lived and has probably gotten everything he wanted from anybody at school... but he is Harry and Ginny's kid, so there's definitely some good in him. Nice characterization. I would like to see a little more development with the main character but I'm sure that is to come. I'm glad I stumbled across this story!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review! =)

I'm quite fond of those bed socks as well. You can't go wrong with snitch pompoms, can you?

Madam Pince & Argus Filch = true love 4ever, just wait and see. =P

Thanks for telling me about those little lapses, I'll check those out.


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