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Review:CherryBoom says:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap. =)

I really like the fact that your story has action right from the start and it sets nice tone to the story. The plot has the interesting premise, so points for originality. I'm really looking forward to seeing how muggles and marauders work together in such a delicate situation and how you play them against each other to bring out the differences.

Your writing is smooth and flows nicely. Grammar was good and I didn't notice any typos. There was quite a lot of adverbs though. It's easy to use them, but writing often becomes stronger if you find other ways of describing things. Just food for thought. =)

What I would be careful is that your writing seems to be quite dramatic (I often battle with the same issue) and it can easily go bit overboard.

Your marauders have nice canon like feel to them, but I'd love to see you dig deeper inside the characters. We got plenty of pouting and fighting in this chapter, but I didn't get past the surface and see why characters were feeling what they were feeling. Like is there some kind of back story for Maia that explains her need to fight for independence?

I'm definitely going to read more of this story to see where it goes. =)

Author's Response: Hello there :D

I'm really glad you think it's original! I was wondering whether this sort of story had already been done so it makes me happy to see that you've thought of it as interesting :)

I really do have a problem with describing! I always go overboard with describing things and in the end I realise it's a mess and just disrupts the story! So thanks for bringing that to attention :)

There is a lot more to Maia than this first chapter gives, and since I've finished writing this story, I'm pretty sure it's a significant enough background to justify her being the way she is :)

Thanks for the review! :D


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