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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

As a Snape fan, I enjoyed this piece a lot, because you provide some fresh insight into his motivations and feelings that we don't get from the books. I'm always happy to read something that shares a new perspective on his mind. :)

Most Snape/Lily stories tend to just take the fact that he loves her as a given, so I especially like that you show why he is so drawn to Lily in the first place: "Her first attempts at exercising her new power are not dangerous, are not crude, but make the natural world weep with envy at her majesty."

I also like that you show that he has some issues from the very beginning: "He will lock her away and worship her until she loves him, until he is good enough."

And you also show how he struggles later on: "He will crush down these impulses with all the strength he can summon, and he will guide her to a place where she can love him. He will flourish in the shelter of her courage. Always." He's simultaneously sympathetic and off-putting in passages like these, which I find refreshing. I think there are many Snape fans who will enjoy your perspective, as I did, and others who will not (some can be very particular about the way that Snape is portrayed).

I think your story makes sense; I liked the circular movement of the seasons from spring to spring. The cycle of the seasons is a common motif, but I don't think that makes your writing cliched.

There's one sentence that struck me as slightly off: "She is hopelessly ignorant to the danger her blood has damned her." I like it, it makes sense, but it seems like a fragment and I'm not sure how to fix it.

The voice in the piece doesn't feel too dreamy for me. It's written in third person rather than first person, so although it's Snape's head that we're peering into, I didn't interpret the writing as his voice but rather an omniscient narrator. First person might be harder to pull off just because he's so much of a puzzle, but even then I don't think the Romanticism would be too heavy-handed.

If I were to wish for anything, it would be for you to add a little more to the winter section to cover the years between Lily's death and his own. Did he mature during the intervening years? Did he change his views at all?

Overall, I really like this piece and hope you find my review helpful! :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for this!

I'm glad you liked this as a Snape fan, and that it makes sense to you.

What you say makes a lot of sense - the ending was vague, as was the sentence you pointed out - I'll have a look at these, thanks!

That was very helpful, thank you!


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