Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hello Jami! I'm here at long last with your requested review. Thank you so much for being patient with me!

Before I dive in, I want to say thanks for being willing to consider Post Scriptum. I definitely understand wanting to keep your head canon separate from all that you read, so please take your time, but I'm so beyond excited to see what you think when the right time comes along :)

I LOVED the introduction here. You're really gotten to the core of Sirius's recklessness, and you've cast it in a really poetic and dark light. The transition into the scene in the Shack was quite flawless, too. I liked how you had separate scenes with (most) of the boys and the girls. It was nice to get a glimpse into their private lives and to see that they still can't resist wondering about each other. Margaret didn't feel too thrown in there to me, either, although I struggled a little with how to place her.

Jami, I adored your scene with Severus and Lily. (They don't have to be together, or even friendly, for me to enjoy reading about them.) I loved how you made him awkward and yet like he was still trying his best, still trying to reach her. I loved her, too, with her uncertain reaction--the gush of gratitude followed by that reluctance. They're disjointed and imperfect and I love them. Actually, my critique in that section has to do with Belle. This line--made it clear that she could be as dangerous as she was beautiful--made my Mary Sue flag go up. I think you should be careful to allow Belle to be ugly at times; her situation with her family is messy, but it's also pitiable, if you understand my meaning. She needs to have a few more not so lovable qualities, too, I think. The contrast between her and Alice was nice, though. Anyway, back to (anti?)-Snily feels: I thought the picture was a really sweet way to allude to all that.

The Quidditch scene felt a little tedious to me, but that's probably because I hate writing Quidditch-related scenes, and I understand why it was necessary to lead up to the big moment. So--

WOW. This chapter really just doesn't let go, does it? I had to re-read the section with the accident a few times to really get it, but man, poor Sirius. I kind of love how Lily stepped in to pick him up, to help him devise a story to cover up the real truth. At the same time, though, I think she needs a moment to be angry with him. It would be hard to be perfectly rational if something like this happened, or to side totally with one emotion. Some of that emotional lability I criticized in the beginning might actually fit very well here, or in the next few chapters to come--just an idea. I like that James is angry for her, but she needs it, too. Anyway, loved the description in that section, and I loved your characterization of Sirius. It was perfect.

James. I like his anger. I like that he falls apart. I just feel like maybe it wouldn't be so... pointed? It's like with Alice--she was just crying, in shock. I think James in shock would have been anger everywhere, not just at his best friend. I do think Sirius should have gotten the brunt of it, though, according to this version of James I'm envisioning. Therefore, this critique is only a little tiny one :)

I don't know how helpful this review is, but hey, I tried :) I liked the ending and I'm very curious to see what McGonagall will have to say next time.

Great job, lovely! Feel free to re-request!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Just so you know, I was glued in my car with my eyes huge reading this review. In a good way. A very good one.

I can't believe I didn't see the Mary Sue level I stepped in with that line, thank you for pointing it out. I think I'll instead change it to Lily thinking about how she was slightly irritated at Belle for acting that way, when it didn't really concern her. That way it will kind of show her outspoken attitude isn't always charming. Thank you for helping me brainstorm that! I'll of course add a credit to you in my AN for it ♥

AND YOU LIKE SNAPE. OH MY GOSH. You have no idea how worried I've been. I don't write Severus, so I was terrified that I got it all to 'feel' the right way, and you definitely made me think that I did. Phew. I want to hug you!

The Quidditch scene was tedious to write. Haha. I hate writing and reading it. I didn't even like it in the books. But like you said, it felt sort of necessary to make the entire Hogwarts feeling seem complete. And James in charge made my swoon just a bit ;).

So I made an original decision to have Sirius and Lily really talk about what happened after something (that is a secret) comes up to make them want to. I thought that maybe then I would have her admit that she was angry, incredibly angry, until she saw him waiting in the hospital. Do you think that is okay, or do you think not having those feelings in here make it too incomplete?

I like the idea of Anger everywhere, too. Especially at Remus when he tells him to back down.. it fells like it'd be appropriate.. again, I'll add a big credit to you for your help with this chapter ♥

I don't even know what else to say about this awesome review, except that you are one of the few people on this site who has truly made me a better writer. You've never CCed something of mine just because. Everything you suggest always makes me think of things in a different light, and really makes me be able to (hopefully) write with a stronger voice. I want to squeeze you!

PS! I think you'll end up liking Margret ;). Although I wasn't sure what I thought about her when she first cropped up, either.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 383
Submit Report: