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Review:EverDiggory says:
I am finally, finally here! I've been saying that a lot lately, but this was the worst wait by far!

Plot: It's slowly picking up! You immediately had my attention when there was no one laughing at Hermione like she expected. I want to know very badly why Draco didn't go loose lips on it all. I'm also anxious to see if you're going to add a bit of extra drama to this Cormac deal here... A little extra drama never hurt anyone! I feel a bit bad for Harry, always put in the undesirable position between Ron and Hermione when they bicker.

Dialogue: The first thing I thought when I read that first line of Harry's was how well you captured him! I was really surprised with myself that it was the first thing running through my head, but you definitely got him just right through the dialogue! Hermione's dialogue was just right as well. When she was around Ron it was very blunt and definitely a bit cold! The only thing is her thoughts. She felt very distant and I couldn't truly relate to her at first, she was very...stiff? You did a good job capturing what she would be thinking, but it wasn't in depth like one would actually think it? Especially her, since she's a bit nuts;) I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm trying. But, right about when she's trying to think up a date for slughorn's party is when she really had very humanish thoughts and I could relate to her very easily. She didn't seem so stiff. I don't know what happened at the beginning, because never ever do I think your writing to be stiff, but it was somewhat blunt at the beginning is all. Easily fixed, so rest assured darling!

Imagery: Tricky, tricky. You did good, which is so incredibly hard through first person, but yet I'm still itching for more. I think what happened was you put lots of it--hooray!--in the first part! The only part I felt needed a bit more was Cormac himself! And possibly the common room. But, this is so very, very difficult when writing in first person so be careful that you don't over do it! I think you're pretty safe in this 'category' but theres no harm in shooting for perfection(which you're close to!)

Characterization: Ron is spot on! So clueless and it's definitely getting on my nerves--which is, I assume, the desired effect! Hermione is spot on as well, very...Hermioneish? Harry, through the dialogue you had, was also spot on! Even characters that didn't play as large a role as the trio did were very in character! Lavender, who annoys the hell out of me, and Cormac, who I swoon over even though he's blasted annoying too! He's so cocky and Lavender is so...obnoxious. CHaracterization is definitely one of your strength! Praise the lord, amen! I really hope you continue impressing me with your characterization in the further chapters!

I'm always here to help if you need me, no matter what you need! Keep up the awesome writing!



Author's Response: Oh Ever! This means so much to me! I'm so glad that you feel that characterization is one of my strong points that makes me really happy! I know I still have a lot to work on particularly with imagery but I thank you very much for going through and pointing out where I could stand to improve and to help me get there! Thank you so much for the wonderful and kind review!


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