Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Akussa says:
Hello!

The first part of the chapter, the insight on how the Slytherins ranking works was brilliant. The "Lords of Slytherin" bit blew my mind because this is exactly how I imagine things to happen in there! Alright, maybe not the little second year bit :) I thought that the small Draco moment, him trying to win the sixth years was very well executated and really showed an interesting part of the Slytherin's fonctionning (if that makes sense).

The second part was interesting as well. It was nice to get a larger view of the Slytherin seventh year girls en though I'm pretty sure, aside from Penny, they won't hold a major place in this story.

Lastly, I have to admit that I find the idea of Umbridge being a former Slytherin Head Girl very interesting. I had never pictured her in that position but it makes so much sense!

Oh, I spotted a little thing in this chapter. It's not much but it did break the rythm of my reading because I had to re-read the sentence a couple times to get it right.

"... But there was something about her ominous well see about that in class today that made me nervous ..."; I feel like the 'we'll see about that' part should be either between apostrophes or, er, something else because as it is right now, the sentence doesn't flow as well as the rest of your writting. It's minor but since I haven't really found anything else to comment on in the first four chapters, I've got to search hard!!!

Great work once again, I really liked this chapter!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I really enjoyed looking more into the Slytherin dynamic - we only see Harry's impressions of the Slytherins in canon, based on Draco Malfoy, and I found it unlikely that the entire house of Slytherin was either like him or one of his followers. I can imagine a lot of older, more talented students just treating him with contempt, and it occurred to me that it would be quite common in an ambition-focused house like Slytherin - having students who think they're the best. In the case of Tiberius, I can imagine Draco acting the same way when he was a second-year - not all kids respect an age-based hierarchy and I think that's the sign of arrogance that would most annoy the others in their house.

The Slytherin seventh-year girls do play a minor role, though you're right in observing that Penny will be in the story a bit more often. I'm not sure if you've picked up on exactly what capacity that is yet, but it'll come up in Chapter 6 :)

I did think that Umbridge would have been a Head Girl - she is, after all, a politician and a position like Head Girl would have definitely prepared her for it. And we do know she was a Slytherin. It creates a connection between her and Amelia - to a certain extent they're able to understand each other.

I did notice that when I was rereading - I didn't pick up on it when I posted it. I think that part was italicised in my Word document but I forgot to redo the italics when I posted. Thanks for bringing that to my attention :)

Thanks once again for reading and reviewing!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 366
Submit Report: