This chapter went by so fast! I started it, then boom! In my head I wondered if it was even over 2,000 words, then I double checked the request and realized itís just about 5,000! Which means, not only did it hold my interest, but it completely engrossed me!
Okay, phew, onto the review time. Well, Iíve already answered if it help my attention ;). Onto the flow. I didnít find anything that seemed off/jolted me. The flashback, as well as the smaller memory, all slid in very nicely and I think that they really enhanced the chapter. It just made Lucyís pain so much more real, like it was sitting at the surface able to blow at any second.
I think youíre doing an awesome job with details, as well. Not only in description, but with plot. I find myself really stuck on trying to figure out just what happened, which is perfect because that makes me want to continue reading. So that kind of ties into your plot question; youíre introducing new details with every chapter and getting me more attached to the relationship these two had and what made it crumble. So I think that definitely counts as your plot moving along nicely. I want to keep reading, and thatís the most important part of all this.
I think James was perfect. Perfect! Lucy not only hurt him, but she hurt their family. I see all the Potter (and Weasley) children as being very loyal. So Lucy causing so much pain by taking off and never stopping by really wouldnít be something James could quickly get over. Especially if heís half as brooding as his paternal side ;).
Darren really interests me so far. So he dated Dom, heís close with the family.. and honestly thatís plenty for now. I hate having details about new characters shoved down my throat. It makes them seem unrealistic and I think itís very important to introduce them slowly and naturally. Like you did with Lucy asking if heís talked to Dom. That fit perfectly with the conversation and now we know he was a seriously boyfriend of hers. So, although I donít know much about him to really pin his character, I like what I do know and am excited to find out more :).
This really just feels like a very solid second chapter. I really donít have any CC to point out in this. There was plenty of detail, the dialogue was natural, grammar was flawlessÖ and again (most importantly) Iím still investing with these characters.
ALSO! Thank you so much for the featured reviewer nomination ♥
Author's Response: haha you're very welcome! I thought you were an obvious choice, so there :)
You have no idea how happy this review made me. I'm a wobbly mess right now... There a just so many things that you got. I'm so, so pleased with this. The way i left out details, only fleshing out a little - I agree, it gives a much more natural feel doesn't it? Plus, it keeps the reader interested. And you have no idea how glad it made me to hear that you didn't find the length too much - I was so worried about that. And most importantly, I'm so pleased you liked Darren! It's always tricky introducing original characters to people and getting them to like them, so this just made my day. Just, overall this was such a comfort to read. SO thank you so much for this amaaazing review! This really means a lot!