So I've seen this mentioned around the forums more than a few times recently and every time I thought to myself 'I must read that at some point'. Nevertheless, due to work/being busy/etc. made that kinda impossible until today. So here I am. Finally :)
The concept of this story is just amazing. Seriously. You go so far beyond the normal idea of 'girl meets boy' or whatever and the stereotypes of Next Gen fanfiction and all the rest of it and create... this. I'm so interested in what's going to happen, how the illness is going to tie in across the generations (at least, that's what I'm assuming is going to happen, but I may well be wrong) and how it's all going to pan out, and you haven't even really explained the plot yet (which, by the way, is perfectly fine. It works so well here!). It's just... gah, I wanna know! I'm so curious.
I did notice that there were a few odd words and odd phrases here and there - mostly in the first chapter. I saw you said you have a beta, so maybe send it to her again just to check. It's just a little thing, to be honest, but there were a couple of points where it jarred the flow of the story for me and it's easy enough to smooth things like that out, so you might as well ;)
Anyway, I have to admit that I really, really don't like it when people include non-canon children for Next Gen. There's an epilogue, it says who marries who, how many children they have and what they're called, BUT I am going to make an exception. For you. Don't expect me to do this again :P It's just that... gosh, Alphard is a Malfoy - a Malfoy with a Black name (like Scorpius and Draco), and Valeria really fits as a Scamander. I feel like perhaps she should be a little more day-dreamy and spacey, but they're both such solid characters it doesn't really matter, you know - it's personal preference and I can ignore that.
I love how you're doing the one chapter of timeline A, then one chapter of timeline B thing - it's so easy to get sucked into both stories that way and they allow the story to develop along both lines. It's very clever and very exciting since I've only ever read one other story which did it like this.
The Peverell brothers are so... perfect. Ignotus seems like the kind of person to ask for an Invisibility Cloak (although would you mind double-checking how you spell his name on the Lexicon or something because I could have sworn you spelled it 'Ignotius', with an 'i' between the t and u O.o), Cadmus - I'm guessing that Astrid, who is adorable, is the girl he marries and tries to bring back with the Resurrection Stone? And Antioch... well, he's just a power-hungry, ambitious little hippogriff, isn't he? :P But no, they're all so well formed, like your Next Gen characters, that even though we don't hear much about them at all (apart from the Tale of the Three Brothers and who knows how accurate that is, lol), I feel like I know them already. Like they are characters who we met in the books. Weird, but true :)
Gah, I really, really enjoyed this. Kinda disappointed there's only three chapters, but I'll keep an eye out for updates! ;)
Author's Response: LAURA! HEY! Thank you for coming by! You have no idea how much this means to me! -squishes in a hug-
First of all, I'm so, so happy you like the concept so far! I just hope I can continue to develop it properly because I think that's the hardest thing about writing. Commitment. Which I don't usually have. But anyway... I'm happy you're curious and I hope some of your questions will be answered soon!
And yes, the first chapter's style is a bit of a mess. That's probably because it was my first shot at trying something like this. I'll try to work on it again when I have time!
And... you don't have to make an exception for me, okay? You could totally hate me for this because I hated myself when I first got the idea because I love canon. And the epilogue was epic and Jo tied all the loose ends and whatnot. But then Alphard began to haunt me, then Valeria came along and I had to figure out a way to have them weasel their way into the canon epilogue. Which I have! But that doesn't mean that you can't hate me for this! Also, I promise you that we're going to see more sides of Valeria soon!
I am so glad you like the brothers because I really do too. At some point, I was planning to abandon the Next Gen plot and just write about the brothers because I just had so many ideas for them! And I just checked Ignotus's name, by the way, and it's (thank God! Imagine how hard that'd be to edit!) spelled without an 'i'.
Anyway... There are such few ways to express gratitude, but this really has been such a pleasant surprise! Thank you so, so much for the massive and super helpful review! It really does mean the world to me! -squishes into another hug-