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Review:javct says:
This is very different to most next-gen stories. I like it.

You have written this story with a great flow and a good storyline; it's really nice to not see a cliche'd next-gen story with horrible humor and terrible characterisation. This story is different in a really good way.

However, there were a few things that I picked up while reading this. You made a few spelling errors; nothing too major but I feel as though I should point them out :)

"Her think, dark hair falling down my small back" should be "Her thick, dark hair falling down my small back"

Also, I got confused in this story frequently. Mainly about who you were talking about because you used so many 'he's and 'she's, maybe you could add more character's names (e.g. Rose, Lucy, Hermione, Ron) because I started to get really confused. Who is telling the story? sorry if this is really obvious but don't Ron and Hermione only have two children: Rose and Hugo? Lucy is Fluer and Bill's child.

May I suggest getting a beta for this story? They can be very helpful in pointing things out that the author doesn't see, because, let's be honest, how often to we, as author, find flaws and mistakes in our stories? Beta's are extremely friendly and can help you improve your writing a hundred fold!

Happy writing and congrats on a non-cliche'd next-gen story.
Jasmine, x

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