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Review:RosieQueen says:
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)

First off, this was a very intriguing and original piece. It really kept me interested and it gave me chills! The wolf from Esther's imagination was so creepy--I can tell why she was so freaked out by it. The mood throughout the story was also very well-done. :)

I'll start off with the dialogue critique you requested:

One thing I've noticed is that you capitalize pro-nouns after dialogue. For example, you said "She exclaimed" when it's supposed to be "she exclaimed." At first I didn't believe this when a reviewer told me about it, but look in a HP book and you'll notice that pro-nouns are not capitalized. Apart from that, your transition away from dialogue seems choppy. You're not using commas after the dialogue is over. For example in this sentence:

"Thank you," Esther whispered, hugging Remus. "Also, thank you for the Sleepless Draught, how did you get it?" She asked remembering where it came from.

^After "she asked" there should be a comma. This was a common mistake throughout the story.

I really enjoyed Esther and Remus' relationship at the beginning. How Remus was comforting her about the wolf she was seeing, (even though he was the wolf!) and how Esther trusted Remus so much. I can only imagine the shock she must have experienced after Sirius told her about Remus being a werewolf. Speaking of Sirius, he seemed very in-character; honest yet blunt. You captured Remus spot-on as well. He was so sincere and I felt as if I was reading Remus straight from the book!

The end was heart-breaking, even though I kind of predicted it when she learned about Remus being a werewolf. Yet still, I felt so sorry for Esther! The desperation was conveyed perfectly. :)

Overall, a wonderful piece. I really enjoyed this, even though I don't read Marauders era very often. Good job! :D

~Rosie

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you! I'm glad you thought the wolf was "creepy" that was the whole point of the wolf.

Yay for dialogue critique!
Is it really? Woops. Thank you for pointing that out *I will now go and hide under a rock*

I think I may have just, accidentally, personified my dream guy into Remus: caring, charming, beautiful, sweet and adorable (I'm only realizing this now, that may be a problem haha)

I'm glad that you thought my characterisation was good, it's always been something that I've struggled with and I was extra worried about it in this piece because this was the first time that I wrote Remus into a story

Thank you!
Jasmine, x


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