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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hello, Leslie. I'm so excited to finally be here reading your story for the review swap!

I thought this was a really nice start to your story. I wouldn't have known at all from the writing that it was a sequel if you hadn't pointed it out in your author's note. You laid everything out so smoothly -- Molly's past feelings for Finn, her relationship with her father, her currently-single state, and even a bit about how she ended up in her chosen career. I feel like I can just jump right into the world you've created here.

Molly seems like a great character. I like that she's down to earth, with real world concerns. But she's got an optimism about her that makes her really likable. She likes her job, the life she's created for herself in Australia, and even though I don't believe her when she says she's better off forgetting Finn, at least she's *trying* to keep her wits about her. And of course, I love the little hints at the end. I have a feeling this trip home will be full of surprises.

In terms of CC, I did notice two small things. First, I don't know if it's intentional or not, but I noticed you used very few contractions when writing the narrative parts of this chapter. Contractions tend to lend a more informal feeling to the writing, which would work great in this modern story, which doesn't need to be overly formal in tone. One line particularly:

-- Molly knew she had no way to still feel torn up over it, especially since she had ruined things with the one boy she had had feelings for that could even remotely come close to love.

There are four "hads" in this sentence, two right next to each other. It's not wrong, of course, but I think "...one boy she'd had feelings for..." might work even better.

The second was a small slip into passive voice on the sentence:

-- It resulted in Molly jumping slightly as she looked around confusedly before her eyes settled back at Jules across the work table from her.

The sentence isn't wrong (and I won't even pretend to be an expert on what voice things are written in) but I do think it would be stronger without the "it resulted in."

Overall, great start to the story. Oh, how I love me some Next-Gen. Off to read Chapter Two now!

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Becky! I'm glad you liked the start and was able to understand the storyline without having read Why Not as that was my intention. And I'm so glad Molly is likable and relatable. Also, thanks so much for pointing out those critiques as I do have a tendency of being redunant when writing my sentences... I also have a bit of a fetish for comas and semicolons. :P Anyway, thanks again and I really appreciate all the feedback!

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