Hi there! Here with your review after taking AGES - so sorry! Life totally caught up with me.
You know, you're one of those authors whose stories I read and I feel inspired to write something myself. And that's a wonderful gift to have. Not a lot of authors inspire me like that. Because it's not the plot that inspires me as much as it's the writing. Your writing is so raw and perfect.
I loved the repetition used in this. I thought it was brilliant and gave a very tragic feel to an already very sad piece. It's very poem-like, which is why I love it even more. It flows so naturally and has a delicacy to its writing that I envy beyond words.
As for your concerns:
The bits in italic are not jarring at all, I thought the build-up was perfect and the transgression of their entire relationship/lives was perfect as well and really touched my heart. The only thing I didn't like was the repetition of hold that thought, actually. It wasn't very disturbing, but I did feel that I would have preferred it without. However, it's such a small thing and the piece is magnificent either way.
I thought the parallels between the house and their relationship to be beautiful and it broke my heart when they were trying to repair their house (read: their relationship) and they began and got going, only for her to lose him. I thought this was such an honest portrayal of a relationship and of love. It was written very subtly and delicately and I adored it beyond words.
These are some of my (many) favourite parts:
- Maybe they realize, together or separately or somewhere in the grey in-between, that the excitement isn't vital.
- Imagine that the house grows old; the roof slumps in and the shutters come off their hinges. Let's say they watch it decay, very slowly, as each day rolls in and the paint fades away with each coming sunrise.
The ending was perfect!
- And the windowpane chirps like a cicada.
Just. ahsjwqiqksksl. Perfect.
This is a little gem and I'm so pleased you asked me to review this. Just... Give me your talent? Please? So, so good.
Author's Response: Oh, thanks! I had completely forgotten about this request, actually (because I really do have the memory of a gold fish). I'm completely flattered!
I don't even know how to respond to this - I feel like, again, we're just going to go around dancing and throwing flowers at each other because we both think the other is an awesome writer. :P I mean... comments on writing, to me, are the ones that I keep closest to my heart. I cannot even begin to describe how happy you've made me.
Thanks for easing my fears about the jarring-ness of it. I think sometimes I over think things like that, and flow is always something I try and keep at the forefront of my thoughts. So thank you! I was a little unsure about the "hold that thought" aspects also, but I was really trying to emulate Richard Siken, and he has little lines like that in his work as well. So I kept them, and I've received some good comments on them, but I totally appreciate that you could find them distracting - I think I'll keep them there, but thank you for voicing your concern!
Oh, that's so funny that you say that about the house repair paragraph, because in my mind, that's actually one of the weaker ones in the piece. Thanks for mentioning it!
Honest portrayal: that was exactly what I was going for. I am completely thrilled that you said something about it, because... gah. It was just one of my main concerns, you know?
Thank you so, so much! I am just over the moon about this whole review - honestly, it was perfect. Thanks for reviewing! You're fantastic.