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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hello again, Abbey.

I feel like I might have scared you off somewhat with my last review. Sorry about that. I try to warn people in my review thread that I'm known to share my opinions like I'm getting paid for it, but I know it can still come off a bit strong. I did promise you another review though and didn't want you to feel short-changed. This time I'll just do the one chapter and try to keep it short and myself a bit more in check :)

I thought it was really nice to see a taste of Carla's home life in this chapter via the letter from Jeremy. Of course it contained bad news, but it did give us an even better sense of who she is as a character. I thought this was an especially good touch since you're concerned about not letting your characters get too wooden. The introduction of Peter also adds another interesting dimension to the story. Now it's not just a simple Snape-Carla plot, but a hint of a love triangle too. A jealous Snape will make for an interesting twist, I think!

I spotted a few more descriptions in this chapter, which I think helped set the scene nicely. I'm thinking in particular of the first few lines about the post and the owl that bit her finger. They were just little touches that gave the opening a nice bit of dimension. Also, the bits about the smell of Peter's cologne and the roughness of his fingertips were nice additions as well. They added to the story without spoiling your desire to keep your storytelling style simple. It would have been nice to have seen a bit of their date though, I think. I was surprised that you skipped right to the goodnight kiss. Like the letter, it might have been a good opportunity to show a bit more of who Carla is. I did like the ending though. I've always been a sucker for a cliffhanger.

Sorry again if my first review was a bit much to take in. I hope this one more palatable. Thanks for sharing your story. Oh, and I meant to mention it last time, but I really like your banner (and the one for Lost in a Fairytale). Though always catch my eye in the queue :)

Author's Response: You didn't come off strong at all! It was good, actually, having so much to think about! :)
But thank you for the review. I understand what you mean about missing out the date. I guess I was just being lazy haha.
And thanks about the banners, I always think they're really important for a story.
Thank you!


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